Lessons from Moms and Dads

It doesn't take long to see that moms treat kids different than dads do. I know ... stereotype, but it is so often the case. Moms mother their kids, and dads don't. See? We even use the term "mother" in a particular sense. As a noun, it refers to the female parent. As a verb, we think of mothering as nurturing and protecting.

I watched my wife in a dialog with our 20-something-year-old son. He's having trouble managing his money. "Give me your money," she said. As he headed for work, she said, "Drive carefully", as if he was planning to drive recklessly through the streets and needed her reminder. "Are you going to be warm enough?" she called after him. Me? I'm thinking that if the kid has no money long enough, he'll learn to stop spending it all before he can pay for what he needs. His driving is his responsibility, and if he's too cold today, he'll learn a valuable lesson to dress warmer tomorrow.

Mothers tend to mother. Fathers tend to push. Mothers tend to comfort and nurture. Fathers are more often the disciplinarians. Mothers tend to be protective. Fathers will let their sons try semi-dangerous things to learn new things. And so it goes.

The funny thing is that both of these come from the same place. Mothers who love their kids feel like they need to nurture and comfort and protect their children. Fathers who love their kids feel like they need to push and prod and develop their children. Despite the differences, both are coming from love.

What insights can we gain from this interesting fact? Well, for one thing, as it turns out kids need both nurture and admonition. From this we can see that God was wise to design a family as a father and a mother. One side or the other will cause an imbalance for which it is extremely difficult to compensate, let alone recognize. You see, both are operating out of love. It's very difficult to fault one side or the other. It is simply best if both parents are present.

A broader insight would be that love comes in different forms. Some people try to tell you that love is narrow. It operates as they see it. For instance, someone might argue, "Any loving person would give money to that poor homeless man on the street corner." That is a narrow view of love. Love could be withholding money in the hope that he is motivated to get a job or, on the other end of the spectrum, withholding money and giving him a job. There are a variety of ways that genuine love can be expressed. Mothers express it one way; fathers another. Both are love.

In a more general sense, it suddenly becomes easy to see why one group of people can say, "Poor people need welfare" and another group can say, "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day; teach him to fish and he eats for life" ... and both come from the same starting point of genuine concern. A misguided teacher once told my junior higher, "Liberals want to help people and conservatives just want to keep what they have for themselves." That completely misses the truth. Love can be expressed in holding a child or in letting a child go. It can be expressed in keeping a child from being hurt or in allowing controlled pain that teaches a necessary lesson. And these variations work in other areas of life.

The next time you find someone who expresses love in a manner different than your own, remember this. Love has different faces and different expressions. Yes, I know, love is often not expressed at all, and that's a different problem. But sometimes -- just sometimes -- you may be objecting to a genuine expression of love just because it's not your expression. It's okay if love is expressed in a way that is different than your way.