Understanding Men

Ladies, I have a gift for you. I am about to share with you a secret about how men think. So closely guarded is this secret that I would venture that most men aren't conscious of it. However, their lack of awareness doesn't negate either the truth of the secret nor the effective use of it.

First, I need to make a disclaimer. This is a generalization. For all generalizations there are exceptions. However, the nature of the "exception" is that it is exceptional, uncommon, unusual, not the norm. Therefore, this generalization, by definition, will be generally true and, thus, of use to most women who have relationships with men. Indeed, for you wives, if you take this secret to heart and use it properly, it is almost a surefire way to adultery proof your marriage.

Have I got your attention? Good. So, here it is. Most people think that the one thing most men want more than anything else is sex. This is not true. There is one thing that almost every man wants above all else including sex: significance. Men want, above all else, to be "somebody", to be recognized, respected, valued.

Hard to believe? Well, let's look at the evidence. Look at the large numbers of men who spend a large amount of money at strip clubs. For the most part, there is no actual sex going on at strip clubs. The vast majority of men at strip clubs are there for one reason. Some cute little honey is putting on an act for him. What is the act? That she finds him attractive, desireable ... somebody. It isn't the sexual attraction; it's the sense of being desired that brings men back. The same is generally true of the men hooked on porn. It is the rush of feeling desired that these actresses give them that brings them back time and again. Or look at the crime of rape. The experts will tell you time and again that it's not about sex; it's about ... power. Rape is perpetrated by demented men in search of being significant. Or look at the standard young man with loose morals. How does he view his sexual exploits? Okay, not fair ... I just gave you the answer. He doesn't see his sexual relations with multiple women as sexual satisfaction. He sees them as exploits. He sees them as conquests, deeds of notable feat. And why do so many middle-aged men undergo their "mid-life crisis"? According to those who have studied this phenomenon, the reason men between 40 and 60 often undergo this event is that they find themselves on the downhill side of their lives and realize they haven't achieved what they intended to achieve. He is in a crisis of insignicance.

Now, many people think that this is a problem of "low self-esteem". This is a mistake. It isn't a problem of men with low self-esteem. It is the basic nature of males. Men are designed to want significance. They have a variety of ways that they deal with this desire, but it is intrinsic to being male. It isn't "low self-esteem"; it is being a male human being.

So ... what's a woman to do? I'm speaking here to wives, primarily. It's really a simple thing. How it is worked out is up to you, but the premise is easy even if the application is individual. What men need, whether or not they are aware of it, is the feeling of being significant. Wives achieve this by two basic premises: Submission and respect. Wives that are respectful of their husbands and give him the proper role in the marriage will find that their husbands are happier men than those who don't. Oh, wait, this isn't my idea, is it? No, it's God's idea!

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord ... let the wife see to it that she respect her husband (Eph. 5:22, 33).

Interesting! So it would seem that God knows how he built the male of the species and how best to make it operate. Pretty smart, isn't He? Now, ladies, if you could follow that simple advice, you might be surprised at the impact on the men in your life.