Entitled to Happiness?

Some of you may have heard of Dennis Prager. He is a radio talk show host and an ethicist. He has written a book entitled Happiness Is A Serious Problem. One of the things he points out in this book is that one of the primary impediments to our happiness is our own foolish thinking. We have an "entitlement" mentality that expects a lot rather than expecting a little.

Now, think about how this works. You expect a raise at work. You go into the boss's office and he says, "I'm sorry, but we don't have the money to give you a raise." What is your reaction? You're angry. You expected a raise and you didn't get it. Now, rewind. You walk into your boss's office and he says, "Good news! I got you a 3% raise!" You're not exactly thrilled because, hey, it's what you expected. So in neither condition are you happy. Now, back up to the beginning again and change the expectations. You do not expect a raise. Now you go into the boss's office and he says, "I'm sorry, but we don't have the money to give you a raise." What is your reaction this time? Hey, no big deal; it's what you expected. You liked your job yesterday and nothing has changed today. But rewind and try it again. He says, "Good news! I got you a 3% raise!" This time you're thrilled. You were expecting nothing and got a raise! Woo hoo!! Life is good. A raise!

I don't know if you have noticed, but most people have a deficiency of contentment. Things are just not right somehow. Their spouse should be more. Their job should be more. That raise should have been more. They deserve better. And so on. The reason for this discontentment is primarily this entitlement thinking. It creates unrealistic expectations and then robs you of happiness no matter what happens. If we could just get to the place where our expectations were lower, we would find joy at every turn.

Paul writes this astounding claim to the Philippians:

I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Phil. 4:11-13).

Contentment in whatever circumstances. Now that's something. The circumstances do not provide the contentment. The expectations do not decide what is acceptable. Instead, Paul had learned (key term) to be content in whatever circumstances he found himself.

When I was in my teens, they took me to a seminar called The Institute of Basic Youth Conflicts. There were a variety of topics, but one was "anger". Bill Gothard taught that the reason we get angry is that we have ... a sense of entitlement. We have "rights", and when our "rights" are violated, we get angry. If we could relinquish those "rights", we wouldn't be angry. Gothard also taught that lowered expectations were a good thing. He told of a woman, a single mother, who came to him with a problem. "My adult son lives with me, and I've been supporting him until he gets a job. I injured myself at work last week and the doctor tells me I can't go back to work. My son won't go get a job. What am I going to do?" Gothard asked her, "What's the worst that can happen?" "Well, we would run out of money for food." "And then?" "We would starve." "And then?" "We would die!" "And then?" "We would ... go to heaven." "And how is that bad?" The lady went home and told her son, "I can't work anymore; prepare to die." She reported back to Gothard that her son went out the next day, got a job, and is now supporting them both. Lowered expectations lead to gratitude.

Maybe we need to lower our expectations. Maybe we need to learn to trust in Christ rather than demanding what we think is our due. We're promised things in Scripture, things like suffering and being hated along with "peace that passes understanding". Maybe we ought to begin the process of learning to trust Him rather than demanding our rights and entitlements. Wouldn't it be nice to learn contentment rather than anger and ingratitude?