Commanding the Impossible

Now, I know ... the world doesn't care wha the Word has to say about marital relations, but we Christians should. We often don't, but we should. But if you read what it says, you might come away thinking, "Oh, no. That's not right." You will read, for instance,

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Cor 11:3)

Many a Christian wife and not a few Christian husbands will read that and say, "That's not right." It's clear. It's explicit. It's unambiguous. But "it's not right." Or so they say. You will read things like,

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Eph 5:22-24)

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

And that can't be right, can it? Wives submit? To him? It even specifies "even if some do not obey the word." Does that make any sense? Especially when you encounter what I call the "hyper-patriarchals" who have decided that "wives, submit" is a command for them to thoroughly dominate their wives. It seems as if God is commanding the impossible here. It's not unclear or ambiguous, but Christians choke on it.

If the commands to wives seem impossible, the commands to husbands, if examined as they are given, are more so.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Eph 5:25-27)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)

At first blush, it's easy. "Love your wives." Yeah, sure, easy. But ... the standard of that love is not. "Love your wives as Christ loved the church." Oh, that standard. How? "Gave Himself up for her." Yes, He died, but, as Paul explains, He did so much more. He didn't cling to His status as God, but humbled Himself ... to death (Php 2:5-8). That is the standard of love that husbands are supposed to meet. It certainly slays the idea of the domineering husband on the spot. The notion of a "man cave" becomes nonsensical. "I need me-time" is relegated to the crazy box. Love her by giving self up for her. Is that even possible? And then the next one rears its ugly head. "Likewise," it says. Like what? Like wives submitting to their husbands. "Likewise," in the husbands' version of submission, "live with your wives in an understanding way." What? Really??" It is a common axiom that men do not understand women. I saw a book in a bookstore once titled, What Men Know About Women. The pages were blank. And here it is, the obviously impossible, in command form. Husbands are commanded to understand their wives. To be students of their wives. To see them, to know them, to grasp their ideas and feelings and wants and all. Crazy wives ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?" and the godly husband will be required to know the right answer because he understands his wife. She won't have to answer "Nothing" when he asks, "Honey, what's wrong?" because he has been a student of his wife and gets it. Yeah, sure, that's an absolute, a perfect world -- likely, due to human nature and limitations, will never be this side of heaven -- but it's the aim, the goal, the command.

God, it appears, is in the business of making impossible commands. "Love God with all your heart" (Deut 6:5; Matt 22:37). "Love one other as I have loved you" (John 13:34; John 15:12). "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thess. 5:16-18). On and on. I'm sure you can think of a whole lot more. These two are just a couple of obvious examples: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" and "Husbands, love your wife to the exclusion of your self, and live with her in an understanding way." The temptation is to simply reject them. "We can't do it." It's either wrong or we're just going to refuse. These are the wrong conclusions. The right conclusion is, "Well, He said it, so we'll do it." We'll do it by the work of God in us both to will and to do His good pleasure (Php 2:13). So, Christ-follower, what will it be? Dodge the "impossible" in open rejection of the One you claim to follow, or aim for a miraculous obedience?