Better Off Dead

My doctor experiences of late have included a psych eval. Okay, that's not accurate. They have all been asking whether or not their patients are depressed. It is clearly an "issued" questionnaire because they all have the same questions. I was recently told it comes from the healthcare insurance companies. Okay, fine. The last question is something like this: "Do you think you would be better off dead?" You're supposed to answer "Never" or "Sometimes" or "Often" kind of ways, but if you answer "sometimes," they clearly are thinking they might need to intervene.

I have a problem with that question. I can't answer it truthfully without getting myself in trouble. If I were to answer truthfully, the answer would be "all the time." "Uh, oh," some concerned folks will be saying, "he's suicidal." No, not in the least. Consider. Paul wrote, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Php 1:21). Gain? To die is gain?? That's what he said. Why? Paul had "the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better" (Php 1:23). He went through the same thought train in 2 Corinthians. There he talked about how our "earthly tent" is being torn down (2 Cor 5:1). "In this house we groan," he said, "longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven" (2 Cor 5:2). It is here that Paul makes his famous statement, "While we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord" (2 Cor 5:6). He says we "prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord" (2 Cor 5:8).

In one of those questionnaires, I answered closer to the truth than usual. Yes, I sometimes think I'd be better off dead. But I explained to the doctor, "How could that not be true? If it is true that there is a hereafter, and that, in that hereafter, I can be certain to live in eternal joy and love without pain, suffering, or sadness, would it be sane to say I would not be better off dead?" Does that make me (and Paul and the "we" he references in 2 Corinthians) suicidal? Not in the least. Not by a long shot. Paul told the Corinthians, "Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him" (2 Cor 5:9). Why would someone who thinks this way not be suicidal? Because we believe that we can be pleasing to Him in this life. Paul told the Philippians, "To remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith" (Php 1:24-25). Since my greatest joy is to be pleasing to Him, I will gladly remain until He calls me home. I think it will be so much better when He does, but I'm in no hurry to hasten the day because I'm not the issue here. He is. To be useful now and present with Him then is the best I can hope for. So, no suicide in my future. But I do look forward to that homecoming. I will be better off dead ... when He says so.