Modern Family

Something has shifted. I don't know when or even why.

There was a time when the job of every parent was to raise their children to be responsible adults. Their job now appears to be to follow them around, find out what they want, and give it to them. Oh, it's not normally expressed that way. Usually it's much more noble sounding. "My job is to support you in whatever you want to do." Something like that. But no one ever asks, "What if what they want to do is foolish ... or wrong?"

We've been brainwashed. Instead of the traditional idea that people with wisdom derived from experience (requiring age) should lead those with less wisdom and experience, we've been told that the really wise people of this world are the young -- the younger the better. This is what our TV shows, movies, stories, media, and other entertainment all try to tell us. Stupid old dad and mom have to muddle through until the wisdom of their 4-to-14-year-old gets through to them and they see the light. Oh, I'm sure it's more than that, but it's a key feature of this shift in our society today. Mind you, it's not that the traditional notion was all light and glory. No, back then we had bad parents who abused their kids in the name of "good parenting". Today's abuse looks different. It is either neglect (of the child or of their duties as parents) or, worse, encouraging the wrong. Today, truly "heroic" parents will say, "Well, you were born a boy, but, hey, if you think you're a girl, then I'm going to do everything in my power to turn you into one." Not leading; following.

Solomon wrote, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Prov 22:6 KJV) Now, that seems problematic. There are endless anecdotes of kids gone bad. "I raised him to be better than that." Good kids from good homes that end up criminals, on drugs, all sorts of bad things. Isn't this a promise we can count on?

Well, there are a few things here. First, this isn't a promise; it's a proverb. By nature, proverbs are short sayings stating a general truth. They are proverbial, not absolute. "Too many cooks spoil the broth" may be true and may even be true often, but not always. It's a proverb. So taking Solomon's proverbs as promises would be a mistake.

Second, no parent is perfect. Not one. If this was a promise, not one parent could rightly claim it since not one parent has fully trained their children in the way they should go. Therefore, it would be a promise without a recipient.

The other issue, however, is interesting and, if true, disturbing. Scholars suggest that the King James Version may not be accurate in its translation here. As it turns out, the words for "the way he should go" are literally "the road of his mouth." There! That should clear things up, right? No, of course not. But that's why the Literal Translation (LITV) translates it, "the opening of his way." You an see that from "mouth". But it isn't getting much clearer. While other modern versions like ESV and NASB prefer "the way he should go", the Douay-Rheims Bible (DRB) and many others translate it "according to his way." That is, the idea here is not the direction he should go, but the direction he would choose naturally. This, then, would be a warning, not a promise. "Parents, be sure you don't give your children the reins. You won't be able to fix it later."

If this is the notion in this proverb, then you can see the implications based on today's most popular parenting techniques. If you let the child choose his own direction, shape his own character, select his own morality, determine his own beliefs, form his own values, then you can be pretty sure that ripping these things loose later in life will be nearly impossible to accomplish. And, in Jesus's words, "It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble." (Luke 17:2)

If this is not the notion in this proverb, it remains true that 1) it is a proverb, not a promise, but 2) it is certainly the duty of every parent to train up their children in the way they should go, not in the way the child wants to go. It's our job as parents to distinguish the right and the wrong and teach it to our kids, sometimes uncomfortably. God does it to His own (Heb 12:5-6). And "if you are without discipline ... then you are illegitimate children and not sons." (Heb 12:8) Discipline is for the good of the child (Heb 12:10) and is a product of love (Heb 12:6). Failing to train our kids is not love and not good for them.