My childhood was a product of the 60's, but I didn't grow up with the "Question Authority" mantra of that era. Instead, I grew up with the "Obey Authority" advice, and I carry it through to today. You can imagine, then, how sometimes signs can cause me problems.
I was driving out of a parking lot one day and saw a sign that said "No right turn." My first thought was "That's unenforceable." Why? Well, how would an officer know? How could a police officer know what way was the right way for me to go? I tested my theory. The right way for me to go from that parking lot was left. I waited until there was a police car nearby and turned left. No ticket. See? I turned the right way even though the sign told me I wasn't allowed to and there were no negative repercussions. They shouldn't make rules they can't enforce.
The other day I walked to an intersection that I often pass through and noticed a sign on the corner: "No pedestrian crossing." Now, I have a strange way with words sometimes. My mother says it's a sign of intelligence. My kids say I'm just twisted. You can decide for yourselves. I thought, "'Pedestrian' -- lacking imagination, commonplace, ordinary." So I went across doing cartwheels. Of course, the officer writing the ticket explained to me that it actually meant "a person traveling on foot." Next time I'm going to try it on horseback.
Last week I was walking along a section of roadwork where there was a row of those traffic barriers. I noticed a sign on the back of each one. It read, "Do not steal. It is illegal to steal this barrier." What genius! I need to find out where to get signs like that! Imagine a burglar breaking into my home and picking up the television to steal it only to find a sign that warns him that he can't steal it because it's illegal. He'll put it back, frustrated. Sure, he's a thief, but that doesn't mean he is going to break the law, right?
Of course, that's nonsense. And it's no wonder. We even have the authorities breaking the law. I have seen several street light poles here with signs posted on them that say, "Do not post signs here." Now, wait! If they can, why can't I? I want to put my own sign there that says, "Okay, I won't." I don't suppose they'd be amused.
My obedience to authority, however, prevents me from doing that kind of thing. It leaves me confused when the sign on the door of the toilet stall says "Do not put anything but toilet paper in the toilet." That kind of defeats the purpose of a toilet, doesn't it? It leaves me baffled when I see a sign that says "Observe all signs." How am I even going to know where to find them all? And how am I going to get inside a building when one of the doors says "No entry"? Sure, there is another door next to it, but that one isn't marked. Am I supposed to assume something there?
It's difficult, sometimes, being me.
5 comments:
Just to note, as one of those kids, you're twisted in a good way. I do the same thing all the time with signs and commands. My wife asked me to hit the light switch, so I smacked it.
I remember in the movie, "Undercover Blues," the wife told him, "Kill the lights," so he shot it. I saw a sign that said "Wet Paint." That was a dilemma. I just stopped myself from throwing that cup of water on it.
You would think eventually the people in our lives would learn to be more precise. Luckily, they haven't.
Those kinds of gags were very prominent in the TV show “Police Squad!” with Leslie Nielsen (and many others, of course).
My husband--a fan of The Three Stooges--recalls an episode of theirs (“Guns a Poppin!”) in which Larry misunderstands a sign reading, “FINE FOR HUNTING,” as indicating that hunting was allowed, when it was actually warning of a penalty for hunting. An easy mistake, I think!
I can imagine that it would indeed be difficult to strive to obey authority and “OBSERVE ALL SIGNS.” For example, if you were driving and came upon a sign that read, “DRAW BRIDGE AHEAD,” you would need to pull over and dutifully sketch out the bridge--delaying your arrival quite a bit. If you see a sign that reads, “WATCH CHILDREN,” and compliantly pick up binoculars to obey the sign, you might arouse suspicion (and even get arrested). If you stop at a highway rest area and notice the sign, “PET AREA,” I would definitely not crouch down to pat and stroke the grass there--as much as you might wish to comply. And related to that, if you’re walking your dog in the park and see a sign, “IF YOUR DOG POOPS, PICK IT UP,” you’re gonna wish you had a smaller dog, as you stand there holding your dog in your arms. I guess the best sign is the one that reads, “NOTICE: IF YOU NOTICE THIS NOTICE, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT THIS NOTICE IS NOT WORTH NOTICING.” Indeed.
P.S. Speaking of signs (and song lyrics), who can forget “Signs” by Five Man Electrical Band (1970): “Sign, sign, Everywhere a sign, Blockin' out the scenery, Breakin' my mind, Do this, don't do that, Can't you read the sign?” Good stuff.
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