On the question of divorce and the Bible, there is perhaps one best-known text to which most people harken -- the so-called "exception clause." In Matthew, we have an account of the Pharisees asking Jesus, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" (Matt 19:3). What a question! "Is there any cause in which it is lawful to divorce one's wife?" In His time, the Jews had a range of beliefs. One group (the school of Hillel) said a man could divorce his wife for any offense at all. She burned the toast? Out! (I exaggerate, but you get the idea.) Another group (the school of Shammai) said divorce was only allowed for adultery. "So, Jesus," they were asking, "which is it?" And Jesus's answer was ... shocking. "No," He said. Not "any reason" or "adultery," but "What God has joined together let not man separate" (Matt 19:4-6). Note that Jesus's line of reasoning was that marriage was not a human institution and was not grounded in human relationships or feelings. Marriage was a divine institution and the grounding was in the union that God built. It wasn't about fulfillment or comfort or satisfaction. It was about ... God (Eph 5:31-32).
The Pharisees were ... miffed. "Oh, yeah? Well what about Moses's instructions?" (Matt 19:7). Jesus attributed that to Moses and to the hardness of the heart (Matt 19:8). Interesting, isn't it? Now, the next verse is relevant, but ... to what? "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery" (Matt 19:9). Jesus has already said that marriage is a divine invention predicated on a divine act of the union of two people into one. Divorce necessarily violates that union -- God's act. So what is this so-called "exception clause"? It's the "go-to" for a lot of people who want to walk the line between obedience to God and "my personal comfort." Especially today. A husband who commits "sexual immorality" today by, say, cheating on his wife or, even, watching pornography is now deemed "divorceable" as it were because that's what Jesus said ... wasn't it? No. That's not what Jesus said. Jesus said, "What God has joined together let not man separate." Jesus said the Mosaic laws on divorce were only allowed for our hardness of heart. This exception clause, then, cannot justify divorce. What Jesus was commenting on was ... remarriage. He's specific, isn't He? If a person divorces their spouse "and marries another" the violation is "adultery." (Note that "sexual immorality" is not the same as "adultery." Adultery is included under the category of "sexual immorality," but does not define that category.) So, if a marriage ends because of sexual immorality, remarriage is permitted. Otherwise, it is not.
Our world is happy to tell us that we marry for love (which, they further assure us, is "warm affection"). Our world is adamant that we need to be "happy" and "fulfilled" and if our spouse is not fulfilling those needs, we aren't merely justified in ditching them; we're practically required to. Jesus said, "What God has joined together let not man separate." That is, there is no biblical support for divorcing your spouse. If, on the other hand, a divorce happens, as in Paul's "But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace" (1 Cor 7:15), then Jesus permitted remarriage. I would suggest that ignoring Jesus's main premise that marriage is God's work and trying to edge closer to the world's "You deserve to be happy and fulfilled" arguments is not a move toward greater godliness. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin, and we believers who castigate the divorced (generally without even knowing the context) simply because they divorced are "casting the first stone," clearly something Jesus recommended against (John 8:7). But those of us who wish to be conformed to the image of Christ ought to do everything in our power to remain married at any cost to the spouse to whom God has joined us, trusting in Him rather than others.
3 comments:
I am happy to know the biblical teaching on this topic, even as I--equally happily--haven’t needed to consider it personally. I have great compassion for those who not only must live with the heartbreak of an unhappy marriage but must also examine God’s directives regarding divorce (and remarriage), to ensure that greater sin is not committed going forward.
At the time my husband and I wed at age 22, both sets of our parents were divorced (and both fathers had already remarried). (None of the parties were believers.) Although we were without positive husband/wife role models, we could still pursue God’s standards for our union. How grateful I am that we entered marriage with a mutual commitment to follow God’s ways for the full duration, rather than our culture’s; it has made all the difference in the world, I am sure.
People often look at me agape when I say that I wouldn't divorce my wife even for sexual immorality. I've always seen the "exception clause" as a wagging finger. Why was there any allowance given at all? Due to the hardness of your heart. I don't know about you, but I don't want permission to do something simply because I'm a sinner.
I am like-minded, David. If at all possible, I would hope to work through the pain to reach forgiveness and healing. To me, it falls within “love bears all things” (I Cor. 13:7).
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