In what appears to be one of the most offensive things Paul ever wrote, he calls on wives to "be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord ... in everything" (Eph 5:22-24). A real sticking point. Many -- even believing women -- have a real problem with that. What is often missed, of course, is the previous verse that starts the whole ball rolling: "Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ" (Eph 5:21). Clearly Paul is not only saying, "Wives submit to your husbands," but obviously that husbands need to submit to their wives -- "be subject to one another." So in what way are husbands supposed to submit to their wives?
This topic -- "be subject to one another" -- actually goes from Eph 5:21-6:9 in which Paul gives examples of how husbands and wives, fathers and children, and slaves and masters all need to submit to one another. It is a sweeping concept. So in what way are husbands supposed to submit to their wives? The text spreads itself out for us to follow. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Eph 5:25). Husbands are supposed to submit themselves to their wives by loving them. Okay, we get it. That's not bad. We are not supposed to love ourselves over our wives. But that's not what it says. That's how it begins. "Love your wives as Christ loved the church." Okay, now, that's a bit more. How did Christ love the church? He died for her. He gave up His life for her. See? That's a bit more. Not merely to prefer her, but to be willing to die for her. And, note, that isn't always easy. Sure, to lay down your life for a loving wife might be one thing, but, even as Paul points out (Rom 5:6), how many are willing to do so for an antagonistic wife? That is a step beyond simply loving her. But wait! There's more. And it's not opinion; it's explicit. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Okay, now, in what way did Jesus "give Himself up" for her? Paul outlines that in his letter to the church at Philippi. He told them, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others" (Php 2:3-4). That's "You're not #1 anymore. Regard others as more important than yourself." He goes on to say, "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus" (Php 2:5-8) where he details just how far Christ went to "empty Himself" (Php 2:7) to die for the church. "Gave Himself up for her" is not merely "giving your life." It is "giving self up."
In the end, the "be subject to one another" command is massive. Wives, submit as to the Lord." Husbands, give self up." It runs counter to human nature every time. And it is the clear and unequivocal command for spouses, for children and fathers, for servants and masters, for all believers. Surrender. You are not the issue. You are not the priority. Surrender ... self. Which seems impossible on the surface and is only remotely reasonable when you factor in the promises that Christ will never leave us (Heb 13:5), that God works all things together for good (Rom 8:28-29), that God supplies our needs (Php 4:19), that, because of Christ, we are more than conquerors in every circumstance (Rom 8:31-39). The commands seem overbearing at first look, but simplistic when we consider the vast promises we have for God's constant care for us. Imagine, then, life and relationships predicated on mutual submission where our primary concern in each situation is for their best interest and not our own because God is taking care of our own best interest. That has to be a little taste of heaven.
2 comments:
This is probably one of the most misinterpreted passages in the NT, along with Matt 25,. It's obviously misused on both extremes, but I think that doing so cheapens one of the most radical doctrines of Christ. The doctrine that Christ taught, self sacrifice and putting other before ourselves, was and is so foreign to what culture tells us. To even consider others before ourselves is really hard. It's hard enough to fulfill my fiduciary duties to my clients when they don't benefit me, but more so when the standard is dying for others. It's obvious that all to many ignore the incredibly high standard Paul calls men to, in order to drive a contrary narrative.
Well done.
It was easy for me to spot the common theme running through the verses you quote in your second paragraph--how to behave in a loving manner towards others. As Paul makes clear, this obligation applies to all genders, all ages, all stations in life--a mutual submission among all of us. Unselfish, loving behavior is especially necessary in the challenging, more intensive relationship that husbands and wives share; thus the extra instruction that Paul provides specifically to them, using the ultimate example of love as the standard--that of Christ and the church. As a wife of a Christian man, I couldn't wish for any better treatment than that, and submitting to someone who seeks to follow that model is therefore not “offensive” to me at all but “a little taste of heaven” indeed.
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