Frenemy

"Frenemy" is a relatively new term in our lexicon. It was recognized in 2009. It is the combination of "friend" and "enemy" and refers to people who appear to be your friend, but are actually your enemy. You know, like those false teachers I've referenced lately who come out from us, who are "wolves in sheep's clothing," who entice and woo you only for their own self-satisfaction. That's a frenemy. Maybe it's that clever bully in school who pretends to be your friend in order to get you to let your guard down so that he can hurt you worse. Maybe it's those people who kiss up to you because they want to get something from you they want. You get the idea. Maybe ... just maybe ... it's a parent.

"Hang on," you will likely say, "a parent? How can a parent be a frenemy?" I'm glad you asked. Speaking biblically, parents are unique in the life of a child. We have kindly expanded the notion of family to include close friends and such and even pets, and "parents" may include any adult in your child's life, but that's not the case biblically. Scripture says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph 6:4). Very specific. Not "grandfathers," "uncles," or "close family friend." Indeed, these other people are legendary for enjoying the pleasure of spending time with your kids while not bearing the brunt of the responsibility of your kids. But God's version of parenthood places the weight squarely on the backs of fathers. Fathers, then, share that load with mothers, and no one else is held responsible by God to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." What do we see today? Certainly not "discipline and instruction of the Lord." Today we aim for frindship. Today we encourage them to "pursue your passion," conveniently replacing the "instruction of the Lord" with "whatever you feel like." We have firmly rejected "discipline," of course, and why not? You can't do anything "harsh" with a child and be their friend. As Scripture points out, "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful" (Heb 12:11), so how could it be good? Well, Scripture also tells us, "The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives" (Heb 12:6). Isn't it ironic that God would be arrested for child abuse by today's standards?

Back to "frenemy." The point I'm trying to make here is that God has charged parents with the task of raising their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. We've largely set aside "the discipline" and, mostly, foisted off the "instruction" to others -- churches, teachers, and so on -- while we aim to be their best buddies, their pals, their friends. All well and good, except it's not possible. It doesn't work. Most importantly, it's not good. Playing the "friend" to our kids, we become their enemy by neglecting the important tasks of loving them to Jesus and doing the hard work of training them to be godly people. The current young adult generation, then, is known as the "me generation" because they've been trained by "loving parents" to evaluate everything by their own standards and do whatever they want. Parents who practice parenting with this approach are frenemies to their kids. They just don't know it. And today they are in the majority. Even in the church. If "The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives" and we parents do not discipline our kids, what is the Word of God saying? "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (Prov 13:24). If we, as parents avoid discipline for our kids, it is not love. It simply makes you ... their frenemy.