The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor 7:3-5)Now, you have to admit that verse 4 is, well, a paradox at best. If the wife doesn't have authority over her own body, the husband can say, "Come on over here and do this act to me that I love and you hate," and, taken at face value, she'd have to do it. Except that she could then say, "Well, your body belongs to me, so go put it in a cold shower." And, again at face value, he'd have to do it. Stalemate. This, of course, was not the intent. But did you notice the attitudes on either end? "I want what I want" and "I don't want what you want." Perhaps there is a clue in there for what it does mean.
The initial concept: Husbands and wives need to fulfill their duty to each other. Oh, and what "duty" is in mind isn't ambiguous (1 Cor 7:1-2). He's talking about sex. He mentions sexual immorality in verse 2. To avoid that, fulfill your duty, husband and wife. I suspect that the next thought of the husband would be, "Oh, yeah, now I get what I want!" You might even conclude that from "The wife does not have authority over her own body," but that would be a mistake. Why? Because a wife has authority over her husband's body, so it's an impasse. If he says, "Come over here and do this act with me," he's taking authority over her body and his. He's not fulfilling his duty to his wife.
What is his duty? Sacrifice. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Eph 5:25). That is not "I get what I want." That is "She gets what she wants." Perhaps better, "She gets what she needs." "She gets what's best for her." Something like that, but it's not about him. He has given himself up for her.
Paul wrote, "Outdo one another in showing honor" (Rom 12:10). This passage has a similar feel. Outdo one another in giving yourself to each other. Outdo one another in surrender to each other. If my duty to my wife is to sacrificially love her and honor her (1 Peter 3:7) -- providing what is best for her, even in the bedroom -- then "I want what I want and you'd better give it to me" has no place. Sex in marriage, in this context, is about giving each other the best. That's why it's so strange that so many people think that Christians are uptight about sex. Maybe some are, but that's because they're not paying attention. Husbands and wives who obeyed God on this would be the most sexually satisfied couples on the planet.
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