Telling Myself the Truth

I think I've mentioned this in the past. All of my life I've had a problem with poor self-esteem. Now, of course, I'm one of a very few that despises the term, "self-esteem." It's not the same as self-image. Self-image refers merely to how one views oneself without regard to valuation. Self-esteem refers to how much one values oneself. That's entirely different, and I'm pretty sure that our self-valuation is not accurate. But I've struggled all my life with "not good enough" and "a failure" and that kind of self-talk. Many loved ones have tried to correct that. "It's not true," they tell me. "God loves you," they tell me. "You're not as bad as you think you are," they tell me. And the truth is when someone else talks to me about their similar self-image problem, I give them the same sort of input.

But I know from my own experience that it doesn't actually help. Someone told me recently, "Truth whispers while feelings scream." And, to be honest, I try to be honest with myself. I don't merely feel, for instance, that I'm not good enough. I know it. It's not "poor self-esteem." It's actual, biblical fact. So disputing that with "You know it's not true" won't help because it is. It doesn't help to try to convince my feelings that what's true isn't true. So I take a different approach with me.

The truth is "There is none good; no, not one." (Rom 3:12) The truth is that God did not choose me for my merits, my skills, my talents, the good He expects me to accomplish. That's because the truth is there is no such thing. And the logical extension of that truth, then, is that I cannot fail to live up to my skills, my talents, or the good He expected because that value is 0. The truth is that when He sees me He doesn't see my successes or failures, my abilities or lack thereof, or any such thing. He sees ... His Son. He sees the righteousness of Christ (2 Cor 5:21). He sees the power of God in me (Eph 3:20-21). He sees Christ in me (Col 1:27). He sees His own successes He has accomplished by using me as He sees fit (Php 2:13). Oh, I don't. But He does. There is a story in Zechariah of the high priest, Joshua, standing before God with Satan accusing him of wearing dirty robes (Zech 3:1-5). The accusation was accurate. So God says, "Remove the filthy garments from him," and they did and God clothed him in clean robes and a clean turban. God did that.

That's the truth I tell myself. Not that I'm good enough. Not that I've contributed good things to the cause of God. Not that I've accomplished much or something or anything. I tell myself that I am a sinful man living among sinful people and my only hope is the forgiveness and righteousness of Christ that God has clothed me with -- forgiveness and righteousness that is perfect even though I can't see it. My only hope is "Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Col 1:27) I'm not good enough. There is nothing about me that God should like. But He loves His Son, and when He sees me, it's His Son He sees. Therein lies my only hope and my only comfort. That's the truth I tell myself.