The Good Husband

There was a television series not too long ago called The Good Wife. Okay, fine, but sometimes I wonder if I'm a good husband. How would I go about finding out? Well, an obvious way would be to compare myself against other husbands. Yea, that's good. Except it's entirely subjective. Am I comparing myself against good husbands? Not clear at all. Besides, we know "when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding" (2 Cor 10:12). So let's try something else. Oh, I know! I should ask my wife. Now, that seems to be a better idea. She seems like she'd be the one best able to answer the question since I'm trying to be a good husband to her. But, again, it's relative. It's subjective. I need a better standard, a more sure way to find out. Why not go to the Designer of the role of husband? What does He say? That would be the most objective, wouldn't it?

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. (Eph 5:25-30)

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself .... (Eph 5:33)

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Col 3:19)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)

That's a good start. What do these instructions from God tell us about what a good husband looks like? It is, after all, His opinion that really counts. Husbands, do you want to know if you're being a good husband? Consider these (not in any particular order).

1. Do you love your wife? No, not "Are you emotionally involved?" or "Do you feel warmly toward her?" Do you love her as you love yourself? Do you seek to nourish and cherish her, to meet all her needs? Do you love your wife as Christ loved the church? That is, do you love her sacrificially? Is your love for her marked by self-sacrifice? And not based on how she treats you?

2. Are you providing for you wife in a spiritual way? Are you seeking her spiritual best? Are you washing her in the water of the word? Are you working toward her sanctification?

3. Husbands are the head of the home, but that doesn't include being harsh. Are you lording it over her? Are you being harsh with her? Or is yours a pastoral relationship, ministering to her and caring for her?

4. Are you living with your wife in an understanding way? Is understanding your wife a characteristic of your life with your wife?

5. Do you honor your wife? Do you recognize her as equal in value, a co-heir in Christ? (Note: If your prayers are hindered, this might be a reason why.)

There is more, of course. In the bedroom, the rule is "the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (1 Cor 7:4) and not "the wife should be giving the husband whatever he wants in the bedroom." In finances the rule is "if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Tim 5:8). Little things, you know.

So there are some of the things in Scripture that we can use to determine an answer to the question, "Am I a good husband?" I suspect that it's not necessarily what you expected, not quite the questions you'd ask yourself. I doubt that these are the things you'd look for in other husbands to which you'd compare yourself. I don't even think it's what your wife would necessarily say. It is the biblical standard, though. How do you measure up? I think I have some work to do.