Where the Biblical Rubber Meets the Road

This is a serious question. I'm not trying to sneak a lesson in with a fake question. I want to know how this works.

I know of a situation in a church where a couple of deacons offended a member by apparently promising to do something and then not carrying through. They denied any such promise and ignored his protests. He attempted to go through the Matthew 18:15-20 steps, but it all got dropped. End of story. He is offended; they are defended. Nothing further.

I was baffled by this. Jesus said, "If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matt 5:23-24). In disputes between Christians, Paul said, instead of pursuing justice, "Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?" (1 Cor 6:7).

I was not privy to the discussion between the deacons and the offended. My point is I don't care. Based on Jesus's words, it would seem to me that "Was I guilty?" would not be a consideration. Jesus didn't talk about "If you've done something wrong." He talked about a brother having something against you. With this kind of thinking, I would think that followers of Christ would not turn first to "I didn't do anything wrong!" and aim instead for "How can we repair our relationship?" Based on Paul's comment, I would think that a follower of Christ would think, "Whether or not I was at fault is not the issue. If I was not at fault, I'd still rather suffer wrong than to harm my brother or the church or the name of Christ." But that's not the approach. The approach is, "I don't think I did anything wrong, so there is nothing to confess and repent of -- nothing to make right."

How is this supposed to work? We live in a "No justice, no peace" culture. We do and should embrace justice. But it looks like Jesus and Paul were talking about something else, something beyond justice. Sometimes, it seems, we have to "turn the other cheek." Oh, nice phrase. Wonder where that came from? But seriously, I'm trying to figure out the balance of "justice" and making it right with someone when you didn't do anything wrong. You can't go and ask forgiveness for something you didn't do. So what would that look like? If the person who believes they were wronged demands restitution or repentance and you didn't actually do it, how does that happen? And is it actually true that Jesus and Paul are both saying, "There are some things more important than justice"?

Jesus said, "By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35). What does that love look like in situations like this? How best does the person who knows someone has something against them handle the situation if that person didn't actually do an offense? Mind you, I understand that the offended has some work to do, too. Forgiveness is a command. I get that. But I'm trying to figure out what the "offender" is supposed to do in the case of innocence. I really don't have a clear handle on this situation.