Love Yourself

A popular note to sound today is the concept of self-love. "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all," George Benson and, later, Whitney Houston sang. We're all about "self-esteem." Conversely, there is a sense among many that Christians -- at least the Bible-believing kind -- are self-haters. Think of the Puritans. They really hated the self, didn't they?

It might surprise you to find, then, that this is not biblical. Neither a focus on self-love nor a focus on self-hate is biblical. We are never commanded in Scripture to "love yourself." And the Bible assumes self-love as normal and even unavoidable.

That last might be the more controversial of my statements in that last paragraph, so let me show you. First, the repeated command of Scripture in both Old and New Testaments is the command to "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Lev 19:18; Matt 22:39; Gal 5:14; James 2:8) Notice the structure. The command: "Love your neighbor." The standard: "as yourself." In other words, "You already love yourself; now, love your neighbor that way." This is made clear in Ephesians 5:28-30 as well.

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. (Eph 5:28-30)

He explains here how we love ourselves. "No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it." Indeed, Paul argues that this is a depiction of Christ's love for the church. He begins that thought with "In the same way" because the context is the standard for husbands to love their wives (Eph 5:25-27). Love her "as Christ loved the church" and this is how. In the same we we love ourselves Christ loves the church.

It is, then, nonsensical for Christians or skeptics to argue that Christian virtue requires self-loathing. And it is equally foolish to argue that you need to learn to love yourself. We do it, naturally, without fail. Even those who opt to end their lives because "I hate myself" are doing so because their love for themselves makes them believe that ceasing to live is the best thing for them. There is certainly room for hating sin within oneself and dislike of certain aspects of self, but at our cores we do love ourselves and we should love ourselves. We are called to deny ourselves, but that is the denial of self-indulgence and sin, which, in the end, is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

So when I write about a "Think of others as more important than yourself" kind of attitude, I'm not writing about self-hate. I'm writing first about obedience, but I am convinced that all of God's commands to His people are predicated not on some artificial morality, but on what is best for the creature. As such, I would contend that "Think of others as more important than yourself" would be to your advantage. I would argue that "I die daily" would be in your best interest. I would hold that there is far more benefit to the obedient believer in selflessness than in selfishness. Loving God and obeying Christ (John 14:15) are in perfect harmony with biblical self-love -- nourishing and cherishing yourself.