Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

Bill has a drinking problem. I mean a real one. Greg is his friend and suggests Bill should do something about it. Bill agrees and sets out to stop drinking. What does Bill need in order to solve this problem? Simple. Self-control. So he's working the problem and doing well. One day Greg invites him over to a party. "Come on, Bill," Greg says, "one beer can't hurt." So Bill gives in ... and has to start all over. Who is to blame here? If you're thinking it's Greg, think again. Remember, what Bill needed to solve this problem was self-control, not "Greg"-control. Greg didn't help, but Bill bears his own blame.

Betty and Terri are great friends. Betty loves to bake -- cookies, cakes, pies, all sorts of sweets -- and Terri loves to eat them. So Terri decides she is desperately in need of weight loss. Betty is proud of her and Terri sets out to lose a few pounds. At some point, Terri drops by to visit her friend. As they chat, Terri is looking at those fresh-baked cinnamon rolls that just came out of the oven. She can smell the cinnamon. She can see the icing. She can imagine the goodness. "Oh, sure, just one," she tells her friend. Becky gives her one, two, three and Terri is back at the beginning of her diet. Whose fault is that? Not Betty. What Terri needed was self-control, not "Betty"-control. Betty didn't help, but Terri bears her own blame.

As is clearly evident in today's climate, guys suffer from multiple forces that push them to say and do things they shouldn't. No doubt. Just look at all those sexual harassment charges out there. So our fictional "Ted" decides he's not going to fall prey to this. Sure, there are hormones and peer pressure and culture and all, but he's not going to do it. He's not. He's not. It's all about self-control. But when Jan shows up in that low-cut blouse and short skirt, he just can't help making that remark that gets him fired and sued. Whose fault is that? It is not Jan's fault. The issue is self-control, and Ted failed to exercise it.

Two observations, then. First, I've already claimed that the people with the problem are the problem and not their associates. Still, what about those "helpers"? We can't blame them, but we can note that they were not helpful. And why were they not helpful? Because their only concern was "me". Greg was enjoying his beer, Betty her baking, and Jan her fashion. Our constant claim is "I can do what I want." That's fine, but you realize, I hope, that far too often "what I want" is pure, unadulterated self-centeredness. And that is your fault, not theirs¹.

Second, what is needed so very often for the problem folk (which, by the way, includes all of us) is self-control. What is lacking in the vast majority of us is ... you guessed it ... self-control. So isn't it grand that one fruit of the Spirit is ... self-control (Gal 5:22-23)? Isn't it nice that God has provided the answer to our problem and all we have to do is accept it? Well, accept it repeatedly, sure, but ...
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¹Paul speaks in multiple places about "freedom in Christ", in which we are free in regards to those things which God has not mentioned. However, instead of a focus on our freedom, Paul focuses on the other guy. "Let us not pass judgment on one another any longer," he writes, "but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother." (Rom 14:13) "Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do," he says about eating meat sacrificed to idols. Then, "But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak." (1 Cor 8:8-9) "Am I not free?" (1 Cor 9:1) he asks and then says, "Though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them." (1 Cor 9:19) Are you free to do what you please? Paul argues that believers should surrender their freedom in order to serve others.