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Thursday, December 15, 2016

Fractured Christmas Carols

I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something. I just don't get what everyone sees in these Christmas songs you hear all around.

Some of them do it to themselves. On what planet, for instance, could you see "three ships come sailing in to Bethlehem", a landlocked town in Israel? And everyone knows that you put decks on ships or on patios, but not in halls. And I have to say I think it is cruel to be pointing to the mother who just delivered her first child and referring to her as "round yon virgin". Mean ... just mean. And, seriously, how exactly do you "troll the ancient yuletide carol"? Seriously. Say, when did "jingle belling" and "mistletoeing" become verbs? And what, do you suppose, the verb tenses would look like? "Jingle belled", "jingle belling", "have jingle bellen"?

Others, however, just seem really out there if you're not paying close attention to the words.

Take, for instance, the Nat King Cole classic, Merry Christmas to You. I mean, sure, it's true. I'm sure that everybody does know a turkey -- that office clown or the conspiracy nut down the street or something -- but why put it in a song? "Everybody knows a turkey, and some mistletoe helps to make the season right." In what way does some mistletoe make it better knowing a turkey? Or is it safe having Santa flying around while under the influence? "We know that Santa's on his way. He's loaded; lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh." I mean, that's just not right.

Bing Crosby was known for his song about his thoughts about the girth of Christmas. Why? Who dreams of a wide Christmas? What does that even mean? Winter Wonderland isn't much better. "Later on we'll perspire while we sit by the fire." Ooo, that's really appealing, isn't it?

And tell me, why did Olive pick on Rudolph? You know, "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names." Someone should have done something about that bully reindeer.

Something I've never figured out is exactly who Harold Angel is. You think about that a moment while I try to decipher "In egg shells is Dale."

Strange stuff in those cheerful tunes.

Do you suppose what I've just been doing would be correctly termed "trolling the yuletide carol"?


Doug Evans said...

Harold is a news reporter, his full name is Harold Angelsing.

Stan said...

Thanks. Cleared that right up.

David said...

This one didn't just get an eye roll from my wife, but a full head roll. Hilarious.

Stan said...

If she head rolled, it must be a winner.

Marshall Art said...

You're such a nut.

Stan said...

Does that translate into "Such wisdom!" or "Such wit!"?

David Brainerd said...

Isn't it "round th'youn(g) virgin"?

Stan said...

I figured someone at some point would try to take something in this humor piece seriously. Too bad. It was fun while it lasted.

The phrase is "All is bright 'Round yon virgin mother and child." It simply says that "It's bright around that virgin and her child over there", where "'round" is a contraction for "around" and "yon" is a regional version of the word "yonder".

But where's the fun in that?

Marshall Art said...

Of course, if you have to explain a joke...