A few years back I asked my youngest son, "What made you different?" My youngest son was hard working, studious, responsible ... not a typical teenager in any way. His older brother ... was. So I asked, "Your brother and you had the same parents, the same upbringing, the same influences. What made you different?" His answer was interesting. "Well," he told me, "I'm not as sociable as he is, so I didn't really involve myself with the kids at school and all. He was more influenced by those around him than I was."
The answer is telling. Regardless of how true it was or how wise it is to be "less sociable", the fact is that our society has worked hard at distancing parents from kids. "No, it's not," I can hear already. But that only shows how we've failed to notice. Take, for instance, education. Who is responsible for the education of your children? Unless you're a homeschooling parent, it's not you. It's the school. Oh, maybe you're more concerned than other parents and have them in a private school, but it's still not you. It's the school. Since my readers are primarily Christians, who is it that is primarily responsible for teaching your kids the Christian faith? Our churches work hard at constructing "children's groups" and "youth groups" for this purpose. Many (most?) churches don't even allow kids to stay in the service, at least during the sermon, because it is potentially disruptive to the service and because those children's ministry workers can do a better job of teaching your kids while they're out of the auditorium. How many families have family Bible study anymore? All because it's someone else's job to teach our kids the Christian faith. So it goes. The government would like to teach your kids. Sunday school teachers would like to teach your kids. Youth workers would like to teach your kids. Oh, and, of course, your kids' friends would certainly like to teach your kids.
Can I let you in on a little secret? It's not in the Bible. Nowhere does God's Word allow parents to abdicate their responsibilities to teach their kids. In the Old Testament, it was the parents' job to do the primary teaching in the lives of their children.
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deut 6:5-7)Clearly this does not allow for surrendering responsibility to others. It doesn't even allow for a break. "When you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise." Non-stop. And in the New Testament God did not command, "Teachers and youth workers, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." No, that was fathers (Eph 6:4).
We're losing this battle these days partly because we're buying this lie, perpetrated by the world and even by our churches, that we can make others responsible for our kids. We don't teach them. We don't choose who does. We don't monitor what they're taught. We don't insure that it is proper or complete. We don't do it continuously. We don't monitor their friends. We don't see to it that we are the primary influence on their lives. We've abdicated our God-given responsibility. We tie our hands with public education and with church age-based segregation and with methods of discipline and with social interactions for our kids and with "letting them be themselves" (because what could be more important than that?), and then we wonder why they're not going the way we wanted them to go. Brothers and sisters, these things ought not be.
You've heard it said, "Quality time is more important than quantity time." The fact is you don't get to determine what "quality time" is. The best remedy is to have a large quantity of time with your kids with the certainty that some of that will be better quality than others. But we must not surrender our God-given responsibility to train up our children in the way they should go. Not even if we're directed to do so by our local church. We need to teach our kids. Do it first by example. Then with words and deeds. And don't stop. It's your calling from God.
No comments:
Post a Comment