Vive La Différence

For all the egalitarian talk in the world these days, it still cannot be denied that men and women are not the same. I mean, just from the patently obvious, there are physical differences between the two. And it is undeniable and unavoidable that these physical differences will necessarily produce other differences. As a simple and understandable example, the male production of testosterone produces a different effect on the male gender than the female production of estrogen does on the female gender. We are not the same. We don't have the same bodies. We don't have the same brains. While God created male and female, and created both in His image, He did not make us identical. And if we fail to take into account some of these differences, we can run into some serious problems.

Brain studies -- not sexist remarks or even psychology -- indicate that serious differences exist between male and female brains. Women's brains are more active in the prefrontal cortex which governs, plans, organizes and learns. Men's brains are more active in the areas of visual perception, object tracking, and form recognition. In other words, physically men are more geared to visual stimulation than women are. One brain study showed that, while men have larger brains (first and foremost because they tend to be physically larger to start with), women have a larger limbic cortex, the part of the brain involved with emotional responses. So physically women are more geared to emotions than men are. Men tend to be left-brained. This makes them more analytical and linear in their thinking. Women's brains tend to have more communication between the hemispheres. This gives them a greater ability to multitask, but less of an ability to focus on a task. All of this -- and this is just at the surface, physical level -- says that men and women are different. Note that none of it says that one is more valuable than the other. Equal, then, in value, but with differing strengths and weaknesses.

What other differences do we find? While keeping in mind that these are generalizations and that some of the nonsense that passes for wisdom today has served to twist the reality of gender differences in some people, there are more things to keep in mind. For instance, women are more intuitive and empathetic while men are more analytical and task-oriented. Men tend to have a "fight or flight" response to crisis. Women tend to have a "tend and befriend" response. Women approach problem solving by discussion, using it as an opportunity to strengthen relationships. Men see problem solving as an opportunity to demonstrate competence, strength, and commitment. In groups, women will solve problems together as co-equals. Men will establish hierarchy and operate from strategies. Women use the "collective"; men use strength and structure. Women want to be heard and understood. Men want to be significant, have an impact.

As you can see, there are a lot of differences. This isn't a value judgment. It's simply a listing. But if you don't understand the differences, there is going to be trouble. Take, for instance, the differences between the sexes when it comes to sex. For men, sex is primarily a physical thing. For women it is a relational thing. For men it is about physical oneness and for women it is emotional oneness. Men are more stimulated by sight and physical sensations and women more by attitudes, actions, and words. In sex men need respect, admiration, the feeling of being needed and women need understanding, love, and emotional connection. And all of that before we get to the obvious differences of the mechanics of it all.

Given, everyone is an individual. It is unavoidable that everyone will bring into every relationship -- male/male, male/female, or female/female -- their own private baggage. Their experiences, circumstances, history, upbringing, emotional conditions, physical conditions, and on and on all play a part in who each person is. It is possible to over-generalize. But if we fail to take into account that God made male and female different, we can anticipate problems in male-female relationships. So if wives fail to respect their husbands and husbands fail to love their wives (Isn't it interesting that the two commands are different?) and both fail to take into account that respect and love look different to each gender, we will not only encounter relationship problems, but we will also suffer from a failure to obey God's commands. And that is a problem we should really try to solve.