What's in a Name?

So, the Washington Redskins are in the hot seat. They need to change their name. Apparently, although I know of no one that uses the term at all except to refer to the NFL football team, it is offensive to some native Americans (who apprently find the term "Indians" just as offensive ... or even "Americans" without the "native" in the front). Okay, well, let's see. If we're going to avoid disturbing anyone, what other names will be on the chopping block?

Well, clearly the Chiefs will have to change. I mean, they even have an arrowhead on their symbol. Isn't that clearly a reference to native Americans?

I would think it would be obvious that animal names will need to go. I mean, aren't we supposed to love nature? Aren't we supposed to hug trees and that sort of thing? So listing God's little harmless creatures like ravens, bears, bengals, lions, falcons, panthers, colts, jaguars, dolphins, eagles, cardinals, and rams would all need to change. I'm not entirely sure if a "bronco" is an animal -- pretty sure it is -- or just a "job" for a horse. And I'm not at all sure what a "seahawk" is -- apparently it is a nickname for an osprey. So if "redskin" (an archaic nickname for native Americans) is out of bounds, then so would "seahawk", wouldn't it? Look, even if you don't wish to protect the animal kingdom against abusive naming, at least you'd have to care about endangered animals like the bengal tiger, right? Can't someone do something about this abuse?

I would think no one would have problem with the name of the team from Buffalo, but wouldn't it be wise for the city to change its name?

And then there is the questionable Green Bay Packers ...

I suppose, since there are no vikings anymore, they can't really complain, so we probably shouldn't be concerned about other mythical beings such as the titans or the giants. Other teams use names with such rarified content that it probably won't be a problem. I mean, where are you going to find a saint or, perhaps, even a patriot today among those who will complain about names? And I don't suppose Texans will complain about the name Texans or Cowboys on a Texas football team any more than Pennsylvanians will complain about the name Steelers on their Pittsburgh team. (Is there a problem when the Cowboys fight it out with the Redskins or the Chiefs? I don't know ... old conflicts, you know.)

In my opinion, the team with the winning name -- the name that all others should adopt as their pattern -- is the Cleveland Browns. I mean, who can complain about a color? I think it would be quite appropriate to have the San Francisco Rainbows. Oh, sure, it might be tough playing as the Jacksonville Pinks or the Detroit Mauves, but, who knows? It might just make them tougher. And they will have to avoid offensive colors like black, red, or yellow I suppose. But it should work. Well, at least until the Color Coalition gets its head up and sues ...