I think I'm in the wrong job. I think, based on what I see around me, I could get a much larger income stream with very little effort. What do you think?
Several people are suing Subway because their "footlongs" aren't a foot long. Well, I've never ordered a submarine sandwich with any submarine in it! I've never ordered a hero sandwich and gotten even a hint of hero. False advertising! Where's my cash?
Hyundai and Honda have been sued in the last year because the EPA-published MPG estimates and the actual MPG didn't line up. Well, I have to say that I've never gotten the same MPG that the estimates have stated. Sometimes it's more and sometimes it's less, but never the same. Lawsuit!
Oh, I know one. Al Gore is releasing a new book on global warming (sorry, global climate change). He's flying around in his private jet and driving around in SUVs promoting his new book and his call for America to fix the problem. (Have you seen the air pollution in China? And we're supposed to fix this problem??) Since Al Gore's lifestyle doesn't align with his global-climate-change beliefs, I think I should be able to collect a little from him for false advertising, don't you?
You can hardly watch TV anymore without ads telling you that if you live and breathe you've probably experienced some form of medical problems and "we'd be glad to sue on your behalf for that". Did you undergo a procedure and have something not work out right? Sue! So, let's see, I took some aspirin the other day and it did not relieve my headache, so I think that's a lawsuit. Last year I had a bout of diverticulitus and just 3 months later had a second one. Clearly the first doctor didn't do his job. Lawsuit! Oh, I'm sure that there have been unpleasant things in just about every medical procedure I've ever undergone. I can see the cash pouring in now!
Oh, here's a good one. How about weight loss? I've tried a lot of them. None have worked. "It's easy!" they all assure me. "You, too, can take the weight off," they promise. And it's not happening. False advertising! I can see it now. "Oh, come on," you're going to try to tell me, "they say in their ads 'results not typical'. You won't be able to get away with it." Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not typical, so I should not only lose the weight they promise but way more! Oh, yes. Come on, legal system, give me more money!
Yep, I think that should be my new direction. "I want it. You've got it. I'm not entirely comfortable yet. You need to give it to me." Oh, sure, that sounds a lot like criminal enterprises, but it's the legal system, so it can't be criminal, right? Or perhaps I should just go into politics?