I think I'm in the wrong job. I think, based on what I see around me, I could get a much larger income stream with very little effort. What do you think?
Several people are suing Subway because their "footlongs" aren't a foot long. Well, I've never ordered a submarine sandwich with any submarine in it! I've never ordered a hero sandwich and gotten even a hint of hero. False advertising! Where's my cash?
Hyundai and Honda have been sued in the last year because the EPA-published MPG estimates and the actual MPG didn't line up. Well, I have to say that I've never gotten the same MPG that the estimates have stated. Sometimes it's more and sometimes it's less, but never the same. Lawsuit!
Oh, I know one. Al Gore is releasing a new book on global warming (sorry, global climate change). He's flying around in his private jet and driving around in SUVs promoting his new book and his call for America to fix the problem. (Have you seen the air pollution in China? And we're supposed to fix this problem??) Since Al Gore's lifestyle doesn't align with his global-climate-change beliefs, I think I should be able to collect a little from him for false advertising, don't you?
You can hardly watch TV anymore without ads telling you that if you live and breathe you've probably experienced some form of medical problems and "we'd be glad to sue on your behalf for that". Did you undergo a procedure and have something not work out right? Sue! So, let's see, I took some aspirin the other day and it did not relieve my headache, so I think that's a lawsuit. Last year I had a bout of diverticulitus and just 3 months later had a second one. Clearly the first doctor didn't do his job. Lawsuit! Oh, I'm sure that there have been unpleasant things in just about every medical procedure I've ever undergone. I can see the cash pouring in now!
Oh, here's a good one. How about weight loss? I've tried a lot of them. None have worked. "It's easy!" they all assure me. "You, too, can take the weight off," they promise. And it's not happening. False advertising! I can see it now. "Oh, come on," you're going to try to tell me, "they say in their ads 'results not typical'. You won't be able to get away with it." Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not typical, so I should not only lose the weight they promise but way more! Oh, yes. Come on, legal system, give me more money!
Yep, I think that should be my new direction. "I want it. You've got it. I'm not entirely comfortable yet. You need to give it to me." Oh, sure, that sounds a lot like criminal enterprises, but it's the legal system, so it can't be criminal, right? Or perhaps I should just go into politics?
2 comments:
That reminds me of a passage from The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire:
In the practice of the bar, these men had considered reason as the instrument of dispute; they interpreted the laws according to the dictates of private interest and the same pernicious habits might still adhere to their characters in the public administration of the state. The honor of a liberal profession has indeed been vindicated by ancient and modern advocates, who have filled the most important stations, with pure integrity and consummate wisdom: but in the decline of Roman jurisprudence, the ordinary promotion of lawyers was pregnant with mischief and disgrace. The noble art, which had once been preserved as the sacred inheritance of the patricians, was fallen into the hands of freedmen and plebeians, who, with cunning rather than with skill, exercised a sordid and pernicious trade. Some of them procured admittance into families for the purpose of fomenting differences, of encouraging suits, and of preparing a harvest of gain for themselves or their brethren. Others, recluse in their chambers, maintained the dignity of legal professors, by furnishing a rich client with subtleties to confound the plainest truths, and with arguments to color the most unjustifiable pretensions. The splendid and popular class was composed of the advocates, who filled the Forum with the sound of their turgid and loquacious rhetoric. Careless of fame and of justice, they are described, for the most part, as ignorant and rapacious guides, who conducted their clients through a maze of expense, of delay, and of disappointment; from whence, after a tedious series of years, they were at length dismissed, when their patience and fortune were almost exhausted.
Gibbon, Edward (2008-07-24). The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (Kindle Locations 8859-8861). . Kindle Edition.
Doing a little light reading, are we?
Odd (from today's perspective) to imagine that the hpractice of law was once considered "the sacred inheritance" since we're now long past even a call for truth or justice.
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