The Death of Marriage

Is marriage a dying institution? Cameron Diaz thinks so. Who would know better than her? Dr. Keith Ablow of Fox News thinks so, and he's a doctor ... and a self-proclaimed healer. He should know. "It’s only a matter of time now," he concludes in his recent article. "Marriage will fade away. We should be thinking about what might replace it. We should come up with something that improves the quality of our lives and those of our children. And we should keep government out of it, if we know what’s good for us." Well, that settles it, then. Marriage is dead. Long live ... wait, who replaces marriage?

Dr. Ablow is sure that marriage is on its way out for four reasons. He believes that "the involvement of the state in marriage has been a colossal mistake." He believes that oral contraception put an end to the need for commitment because it eliminated the threat of offspring. Third is the problem of the loss of "the joy of being 'chosen'." And, of course, there is the entire problem of so many failed marriages that says that marriage is a failing institution. Proof positive. See? So, what shall take its place?

Wait! Before we scuttle the ship, can we check it first? I'm not so sure that either Ablow or Diaz are the voices of reason on this question. Take, for instance, the doctor's claim that marriage makes people miserable. Is that true? Well, while I've no doubt that his practice brings him a host of miserable people, to use his practice as a measure is like using a police officer's experience as a measure of criminality. Since a police officer deals almost exclusively with criminal behavior, it would be easy to conclude that all of society is criminal to some degree, but that would be a jaded view. As it turns out, in fact, it's not the case.

This view misses entirely the advantages that marriages offer. For instance, marriage tends to provide better health, longevity, safety, security, financial conditions, societal stability, security and stability for children, healthier and happier children, and even happier people. And that, dear readers, is just the empirical data. The other, weightier piece of data is that God commands and commends marriage.

Then there are the lies we've heard. Well, let's be honest. To "lie" is to attempt to deceive. I am not making that accusation. I just don't think we've been given the straight dope. We all know, for instance, that more marriages end in divorce than do not, right? Did you know this isn't true? According to the government statistics, there is an overall probability of 64% that a first marriage will last beyond 10 years. Beyond the bare statistic, there are other factors that increase those odds. People who grew up living with their two biological or adoptive parents are much more likely to remain married. Couples who have children are much more likely to remain married. (That one pushes the likelihood to nearly 80%.) Here's one you may find surprising. Couples who have never lived together before (with anyone, even each other) are more likely to remain married longer than those who have not. (So much for "testing the waters".) It seems as if the bleak "most marriages end in divorce" kind of mindset we perceive today isn't actually accurate. Nor is the "people who live together are happier than people who marry" perception.

Odd thing. It would appear that God's design produces happier, healthier people and children while the approaches that choose to violate God's design seem to have problems. It may be that Dr. Ablow is right in one aspect, though. Today's fouled up view of marriage may be at an end. I'm pretty sure, though, that the original one is still working quite well. Perhaps the replacement for "marriage" that the good doctor suggests we look for would be the recovery of marriage that God intended.