Identical

Something I think we all know to be true is this: No two people are alike. There is always something that differentiates. We know from science that DNA is almost never identical, and that fingerprints are different. There are personality traits, physical anomalies, and so on. We may range from "amazingly similar" to "completely opposite", but we never arrive at "totally and completely the same". We know this to be true.

Why is it, then, that we don't seem to know this to be true? Why do I ask? Go to any bookstore and look at the "self-help" section. From ADD to Yoga, from marriage to divorce, from bed wetting to thumb sucking to sleeplessness, from sexual addiction to sexual apathy, from weight loss to "how to get those six-pack abs", from "how to get rich" to "how to spend wisely" there is a seemingly endless variety of instruction manuals to tell you how to make yourself better. The suggestion is that these manuals will work ... for anybody. But, wait ... haven't we just agreed that no two people are alike? So why would we think that these approaches will work for anybody? But we do.

I've always been irritated by weight loss ads that assure us that their product guarantees weight loss. "We have a special ingredient," they promise, "that stops hunger!" But ... what if hunger isn't the problem? Personally I can't remember a single time when I've actually eaten because hunger drove me to it. Confession time: I'm overweight. It's not that I want to be. It's not that I don't do anything about it. It's that no one seems to be able to find a solution. "Oh," one dear relative assured me, "the only reason anyone is ever overweight is because they eat too much." Yeah? Well I cut my intake in half, eliminated sugar, fatty foods, and all that bad stuff, and tripled my exercise. No sweets, no sugared sodas, none of that bad stuff. The result? Not an ounce of cure. My current diet puts my intake at less than a 1000 calories a day and it has made no difference. You see, while hunger is the problem for some, even many, it isn't for me. While overeating is the problem for some, even many, it isn't for me. Even my doctor is stumped. So keep your "how to lose 50 pounds of ugly fat" book to yourself because right now it seems the only way for me to do that is to cut off my head.

I'm not looking for a solution here. I'm simply pointing out that no two of us are alike. Did you know that some people are overweight for reasons other than what they eat? Did you know that some people smoke not because they're addicted? Did you know that not all guys think of sex a hundred times a day? Did you know that not all women hate (or love) sex (depending on your stereotype)? We are individuals. A "12-step program" (for whatever you wish to discuss) may work for some, but no program is 100% effective. Science and psychology and even your pastor may be good at helping some people through some things, but no one is always effective.

Look, I know that stereotypes can be effective tools. "Lots of this type of people are like that." It helps categorize. Fine. But my point is that it can also be dangerous. Assuming that "all of that denomination is good" is just as bad as assuming "all of this other one is bad". We need to be careful about pigeon-holing people. What, then, is my real point? What I'm really leading to here is that if we want to be effective in our relationships and life, it requires individual attention. We would like, I know, to lump these people in that category and blow them off and those people in this category and congregate with them. It works okay to a small extent. But what is demanded is "love your neighbor as yourself", and that is an individual, one-on-one, time-consuming, self-involving process. We need to take the time to get to know the people we work with as individuals rather than stereotypes. We need to work at getting to know the people we go to church with as individuals rather than stereotypes. We need to care enough to get to know family members as individuals rather than stereotypes. Yes, we even assume that our spouse or our children or our siblings fall in well-kept categories. But remember, we're all individuals. No two people are alike. I think our work is cut out for us. So ...