Visiting Iniquities

Some of my readers are aware that I'm often asking questions as well as espousing views. This is another question day.

Here's the Scripture that relates to my question:

You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments (Exo. 20:5-6).

Hopefully you recognize that as a line from the Ten Commandments. It is in the middle of the prohibition against idolatry. The Bible seems to echo that prohibition throughout, you know, like it's a big problem or something. Well, I hope that anyone who is honest would see that it is. But that's not my question. I'm looking at the "visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations" phrase. What's that all about?

I have a step-son. He's a good kid. He's all grown up and living elsewhere. When he was growing up, he exhibited certain character traits that were not from his mom and were not from me. I can't tell you how many times I heard his mother say, "He's just like his father." Now, that is a little odd since he wasn't raised by his father. His father had a near zero influence on his upbringing. Yet he seemed to be very clearly his father's son. It's the old question of "nature versus nurture". How much of who we are is determined by our nature, and how much by our upbringing? How much of our character is shaped by our genes and how much by our circumstances?

I'm sure that the statement in Exodus is not that the children of idolaters will be punished for their father's sins. We know that's not the case. It seems to be something else. One commentator suggests that it will be an affront to a family for generations. That hardly seems sufficient. One commentator suggests it is a national sense, in which, when a nation falls into idolatry, God withdraws His protection for several generations. That seems like a leap. Most commonly I've seen it said that the children of idolaters inherit the consequences of their father's sins. There is judgment, disease, poverty, captivity, that kind of stuff. And that makes a lot of sense. But I'm still wondering.

You see, I've seen too many cases where sons follow fathers in their sins. An alcoholic father often begets alcoholic sons. A pedophile father often has sons that struggle with the same problem. And so on. (I don't mean to imply that it's a "guy thing". You get the idea.) So it makes me wonder if "visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations" is a genetic thing as well as a passing on of consequences, etc. I wonder if God is saying that a father who has a particular tendency to a particular sin can pass that tendency on to his children?

This, of course, would beg the question of responsibility. "How can I be held responsible if I'm merely the result of my genetics ... and that was ordered by God?" But the question is not valid because I'm saying "tendency", not necessity. People have all sorts of tendencies, dispositions, leanings. That doesn't mean they have to choose them. Most males, for instance, are predisposed to sexual relations with multiple women, but we're all quite clear that this is reserved for one woman -- the wife -- and we know that we are supposed to refuse that natural predisposition. Indeed, a virtue (like marital fidelity) isn't particularly virtuous if it is natural and easy. A virtue is virtuous when it is effort, often violating natural tendencies. It's not particularly heroic of a fellow to stand outside of a burning building and hope for the best, but it is regarded as virtuous if he sets aside his fear of fire and runs in to save someone. So virtue is not the absence of bad inclinations, but the control of them. So if it is true that we can inherit sinful predispositions from our parents, it doesn't free us from responsibility to resist those predispositions.

On the other hand, if it is true that we can inherit sinful predispositions from our parents, and we need to resist those predispositions, it would seem to me that it would be a good idea that we know about them. Unfortunately, it is human nature to hide faults. What father shares with his sons that he struggles with pornography? What mother tells her children that she fights greed (the constant desire for "more")? What parent willingly admits their faults and struggles to their children? It's not common. I wonder, just maybe, if that was one of the things in view when James wrote, "Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed" (James 5:16).

If I'm right -- if Scripture (Exo. 20:5) and experience collide, suggesting that sinful predispositions are inherited -- then parents have some responsibilities of which they may not have been aware. First, it becomes important to not pass this on. How is this accomplished? The answer is in the same passage: God is "showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments" (Exo. 20:6). Parents, for their own sake, yes, but for their children's' sakes as well need to love God and keep His commandments, counting on His lovingkindness. The other is that they should share (when appropriate) their struggles with their children for the purpose of preparing their children for struggles they are likely to face. I think that we parents owe them that much. Don't you?