The English language is a difficult language. I sympathize with anyone who attempts to pick it up as a second language. It is imprecise and relative. It depends largely on your location and context. For instance, is a “bonnet” a hat a woman might wear or the hood of a car? Is “randy” a common first name or a coarse character? These would depend on whether the speaker was from England or America. Is “bad” a good thing or a bad thing? Is a “hit” a good thing (“The play was a hit.”) or a bad thing (“The ship took a direct hit.”)? It would depend on the context and speaker.
To me, nowhere is English more difficult than in signs. While they are intended to briefly explain, they tend to obscure.
Driving out of a parking lot, one might read “Right turn only”. This would be a good thing, since we wouldn’t want to make the wrong turn. Unfortunately, one might also read “No right turn”. The only possible course of action at this point would be to make the wrong turn.
Walking down the hallway one day I saw a sign that said, “Wet Paint”. It was very unclear what to make of it. Why would they want me to wet the paint? And with what? It appeared that someone had already done so, since the paint was currently wet. It was all very confusing. The text under the “Wet Paint” sign only made it more confusing. “Painted with Pride by the Maintenance Dept.” Really? It looked like paint to me, but they used pride. Oh, wait a minute. It was white! Painted with white pride? Oh, this was getting ugly!
A common sign is “Out of Order”. This one is too elusive to think about. I walked into the men’s restroom one day and saw an “Out of Order” sign hung on one of the urinals. Now, all the urinals looked identical, so I couldn’t imagine how someone could tell what order they should be in, let alone if one was in the wrong order. Further, if one was in the wrong order, wouldn’t a second have to be, also? Or was I to conclude that there is an overall order to these things, that somewhere else in the world another urinal was in the wrong place? And most puzzling, how did these things happen in the first place? Did vandals sneak in and move them? All too confusing for me to understand.
I haven’t yet figured out the sign found in some neighborhoods: “Caution: Slow Children”. If I were a parent in that neighborhood, I would be offended. Maybe my kids aren’t the brightest in the world, but that’s no reason to label them “slow”. And exactly what threat did they pose to have to caution folks about them?
Yes, it’s a tough language.
5 comments:
hmm...maybe this is why people don't speak correctly. It's the fault of the English language. ;)
Can you read these correctly –the first time?
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The landfill was so full, they had to refuse more refuse.
4. Please polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could be in the lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier chose to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, it is time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does strange antics when does are around.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
18. I shed a tear upon seeing the tear in the painting.
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20. I need to intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple
English muffins were not invented in England
nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t
groce and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?
Is it not crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think the first ‘teachers of the language’ should have been committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
How is it that people recite a play and play at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses that run and feet that smell??
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. This is why when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn’t “Buick” rhyme with “quick”
Have you ever read "Amelia Bedelia". :) It was my favorite book as a young girl and I have so much fun reading it to my young girls..in English cockney of course.
Scott, I've seen and enjoyed that before. Do you know the source?
I googled "english language" "difficulties" and it was the first item that popped up. I actually had not seen it before. Here's the link (but he can't remember where he got it):
http://ipadventures.com/?p=29
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