Knife Control
In Slovakia a student attacked several people at a school—a mass stabbing. One woman was killed, another injured, and child was injured. The nation is demanding an immediate ban on knives. Oh … wait … that’s not right. Why do people demand that guns get banned but other instruments of murder get ignored?
Another Crisis Averted
The U.S. Senate passed the Protect College Sports Act. The bill helps enforce a cap on how much teams can pay their athletes, limits athletes to transferring no more than one time without penalty, and other vitally important issues. Because solving real problems for this nation just doesn’t rise to the level of their attention and actually fixing things isn’t in their job description, I guess.
Mission Accomplished
After more than 20 years of American troop presence in Iraq, the troops have withdrawn. The pull-out was instigated by the Biden administration and carried out by the Trump administration. Iraqis celebrated, but I don’t think anyone celebrated more than Iran whose goal it is to eliminate American troops in the Middle East. Iraqis plan to secure the country on their own as allies of both the U.S. and Tehran … like that could actually happen.
Mystery Solved
Now we know why Russia is having so much trouble taking Ukraine. In an incident this week, a Russian Su-35 shot down a Russian helicopter in a friendly fire incident, killing everyone on the helicopter. Apparently Russian weapons systems are effective … against Russian weapons systems. Russia is now seeking Su-35 control for the nation.
Peace at Any Price
Russian President Putin is promising to use every weapon available up to and including nuclear weapons to defend its territory. It’s the least you would expect from the peace-loving Russian president who only wants to get along with everyone.
Your Best Source for Fake News
After recent terrorist attacks, the FBI has assembled an elite team of investigators to see if these attacks might be linked to a common ideology. One theory is a lot of terrorists watched Friends, so maybe they’re on to something. In other news, Trump realized his gambit to change the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America and Lake Ontario to Lake America was the solution to his latest dilemma. In order to win in the midterms, all he has to do is rename Democrats to Republicans and Republicans will win. Genius!! And, just for fun, because I remember these things, there’s the story of the 8-year-old Sunday School kid who showed up all excited, only to face severe disappointment when he discovered “Sword Drills” weren’t quite what they sounded like.
Must be true; I read it on the internet.
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