Let's Talk About Sex

There's nothing like a good title to grab your attention, eh?

We live in what some have called a "sexular society." The fundamental ruling principle today is sex -- "I want what I want and no one has the right to deny me." But sexual immorality is such an oft repeated topic in Scripture that believers and unbelievers alike cannot deny that God's Word has a real problem with sexual immorality -- specifically, sex outside of marriage. So, clearly, we've been lied to, and we don't even know it. Sex is not about physical pleasure. Sex is not even about emotional or physical intimacy. Oh, I'm not saying those aren't components; God is an amazing Creator and worked all that in. But that was not the point. God made sex first for procreation (Gen 1:28) and second for ... a miracle. The biblical description is "they shall become one flesh" (Gen 2:24). Jesus confirmed it (Matt 19:5). Paul repeated it (Eph 5:31). In fact, it was this very concept that caused Paul to warn the Corinthian believers against sexual immorality (1 Cor 6:16). In a sense, God designed sex to be magical ... and we've whittled it down to "a good time" in our society today. We -- including Christians -- see it as "fun" and "pleasurable." We can find books, even Christian books, about how to have better sex, what techniques to use, steps to take ... kind of a "Users Manual." But it's all bogus, because the point is always "How can I get better sex?" And that's not the point of sex.

As in all things, sex was designed by God for His glory (1 Cor 10:31). Now, how does that feel laying it next to the typical sexual mindset ... even of Christians? "Sex ... for God's glory ... how can that be?" We might wonder, but it is true. So Scripture first (and repeatedly) makes it clear that sex is for marriage only. Any deviation from married sex is a deviation from God's purposes. But Paul points out that God's version of "married sex" stands our human understanding on its head. "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband" (1 Cor 7:3). He classifies it as "duty," and not a commitment to my own satisfaction; it is a commitment to my spouse. He says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (1 Cor 7:4). That is so foreign to our human perspective that we aren't really clear on how that works. When a husband and wife engage in sexual relations, the requirement is "My body is not mine." That's an absurdity to most minds. "Of course my body is mine! And I expect her/him to satisfy me!" Paul turns that around. Paul says I'm supposed to surrender my body to my spouse. It's never about me.

Human sexuality is an exceedingly complex thing. From the outside -- varieties of sensations and techniques that are uniquely experienced by each individual -- and from the inside -- the thoughts, feelings, even spirit involved that are extremely individual -- we're complicated and interrelated people. When Peter told husbands, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way ..." (1 Peter 3:7), he said a mouthful. Our task is to live a lifestyle and a lifetime of learning our wives, and sex is part of that ... a very complex part. We humans tend to distill it down to "recreation" that is certainly mostly physical and primarily "about me" -- "What do I want? Are my needs being met? What feels good to me?". God intended sex as a vastly larger concept that is lost on unbelievers and even believers. Paul explains that this thing we call "sex" that results in "they shall become one flesh" is intended as an illustration of Christ's relationship to His Bride, the Church -- a great mystery (Eph 5:31-32). It is, therefore, extremely important to God and, thus, to us. Boiling sex down to a mere physical act or even a physical and emotional and spiritual intimacy misses the main point. God is to be glorified in the act that He designed in order to show this exceedingly great mystery -- Christ loves the Church and is "united as one" with her. No sex manual, no sexual procedure, no mere physical pleasure will satisfy that purpose. We cannot afford to boil it down as the world has done to "friends with benefits" or "my sexual satisfaction." Anything less than God's full design is an insult to God, and when we fail to grasp His purposes, we sell ourselves short.