Before I start this, I need to begin with a disclaimer. I'm not writing to make anyone feel shame or guilt. Writing to believers here, those have no real value if we're actually forgiven, right? Besides, there is not one of us who does not sin, who does not fall short. I'm pointing a finger, but I've got three pointing back at me, so this isn't a shame fest. I'm hoping to point out something that you may not have been considering as you seek to follow Christ. Oh, and one piece of good news. This is only for the married readers. You singles are off the hook today.
Scripture makes some blatant commands to married Christians. They are so blatant and so jarring that many try to modify them and obliterate them in the process. Husbands and wives have specific, clear commands in how they are to relate to one another. To wives (and not to husbands, even though many Christian husbands think it's their job to enforce) the command is "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Eph 5:22). Not difficult to understand, but very difficult to do. "Me? Submit to him? He doesn't know enough to come in out of the rain." Would a believing wife dare to say that about God? Yet, the command is clear. Submit to him as you are to submit to God. Husbands, the command isn't vague. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Eph 5:25). That's not "feel warmly toward her." It's not "be willing to die for her." That's "give self up for her." Again, the command is clear. Again, it is very difficult to do, since the natural human functions primarily on "getting what I need and want" and this command says to give self up.
So, what I'd like you wives to ask yourself is "Does that describe me? Do I submit to my husband as I submit to the Lord?" Perhaps "as I submit to the Lord" isn't the best question. "As I'm supposed to submit to God?" might be better. Because I've met very few genuine, Bible-believing, Christ-following wives who actually submit to their husbands in that way. Husbands, ask yourself your corresponding question. "Do I love my wife without regard for my wants and needs? Do I sacrifice my self for her? Am I first place, or is she?" Because I've met very few Christian husbands who are even aware that this is what is expected of them, let alone practicing it. Again, as a husband, I'm constantly having to ask myself those "husband" questions and find myself wanting, so I'm not trying to bring on a guilt trip. But if you are a Christian and seek to be obedient to the Lord, you -- husbands and wives -- might want to look at this very clear and sadly lacking area.
7 comments:
And we also need to remember that the commands aren't contingent on the other fulfilling their side. I once heard a popular pastor tell a woman she didn't need to obey her husband if he wasn't loving her. There are no if/then parts of the commands. Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord, period. Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church, period. There are no outs for not doing these.
Isn't that interesting? No exception clauses. In fact, Peter tells wives to submit to husbands who are not obedient to the Word (1 Peter 3:1). My job: love without regard to self. She has a different job. And I don't get a pass on doing my job if she doesn't do hers. (And vice versa)
These are good reminders for your readers--even us “old married folks”--as well as a good “head’s up” for any singles regarding their possible future marital roles. A Christian marriage will look different from those of other couples around us--as we represent Christ and His Bride, the Church--but it will bring great joy and contentment to its participants. As you rightly point out, many women will balk at the requirement to submit, but personally I have always felt that the Christian husband’s charge is even more difficult to fulfill (although my easy-going husband makes the task look effortless :). The reality is that both Christian husbands and wives are instructed to love and serve one another selflessly, which definitely goes against our human nature--whether male or female.
Stan, I assume you would allow for one exception--if a husband is asking/leading/requiring his wife to sin; then Acts 5:29 would apply (“We ought to obey God rather than men.”). That scenario can happen regularly in "mixed marriages" (i.e. believing wife/nonbelieving husband) and is the only condition I have ever heard for a Christian wife to not submit to her husband.
I'm with you on finding myself wanting in this area. I certainly try, on occasion, but mostly am wanting.
Yes, Lorna, as in the case of our command to obey authority, obviously we don't do that when it violates God's commands.
As I understand it, in all areas of obedience, we obey unless commanded to do what God rejects or commanded not to do what God commands.
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