"But ... I Identify!"
A 29-year-old woman in New Jersey produced a fake birth certificate to enroll in the local high school. They caught her 4 days later. She's being charged with posing as a teenager. Now, I know no small number of adults who could be charged with that. And, hey, if "he" can identify as a "she," why can't this 20-something identify as a teen? (For you nitpickers, no, she wasn't charged with pretending to be a teen. She was charged with presenting false paperwork. It was the CNN story that said otherwise.)
Believe the Science
Not. Surgeon General Murthy told CNN that 13-year-olds are too young to join social media. Science has been warning about this for a long time. But, hey, if the kid wants it, what good parent won't let them have it, right? "Here, daughter. Here's the hand grenade you asked for. A good parent satisfies the wishes of their children." What could go wrong?
Surprise, Surprise
The story says that seven of nine Seattle council members are quitting because their constituents won't tolerate their "ultra-liberal" policies ... like defund the police. Homelessness and crime increased, and 160 businesses (like Amazon) left because of Seattle's "hostile environment." We're surprised by this, I'm sure. I mean, how could "turn over downtown to violent protesters" and "defund the police" and such go wrong?
Avoiding Conspiracy Theories
The Agricultural Adjustment Act was a federal law that paid farmers not to farm in order to keep the prices of farm products higher. That program ended, but this week, as the price of eggs is skyrocketing, 100,000 chickens died in a fire in Connecticut. Now, I'm sure that's not a government-subsidied plan to keep us paying more for eggs ... right?
Business as Usual
The president has made it clear that, while he may talk to House Speaker McCarthy, he will certainly not negotiate with him, at least as far as the debt ceiling is concerned. Those pesky Republicans think that cutting big government spending is the right thing to do, but Biden believes that debt ceilings are made to be broken, so just raise it (or eliminate it?) and let's get on with the business of taking our people's money.
No Limit
We already know that we've reached the debt limit and we already know that something is going to have to change and we already know that the Democrats in charge will not change their spending habits as exemplified in another $2 billion plus to supply Ukraine with weapons. Is there no point at which we might say, "Enough!" I suppose not, as long as we keep voting in the high spenders. But since we do, I suppose we have no standing to complain.
Where Babies Go to Die
Minnesota's governor signed into law a sweeping abortion bill this week. Some crusty district court judge last summer upheld laws like 24-hour waiting period and a requirement for parental notification for minors, but the state now has essentially no restrictions on abortion. Minnesota is proving itself to be a very cold state when it comes to the lives of the most vulnerable humans. Things just got more dangerous for babies in Minnesota.
Another One Filed Under "What Could Go Wrong?"
Meet Isla Bryson, 31 -- previously known as Adam Graham. Adam was convicted of raping two women, but prior to his trial, he decided he was a woman, so when he was convicted and sentenced, he/she was going to Scotland's only all-female prison. Makes sense. What could go wrong? I guess Scotland's First Minister decided something could go wrong. Haters are everywhere.
Harder to Beelieve Than Not To
It's the stuff of miracles! The White House will announce the end of COVID in May (real news), which means that Biden has managed to end COVID three times (Bee news). Quite a feat! Egg prices have shot up 60% in a year (real news), so a Payday Loan Center opened up shop in the egg aisle at the local market (Bee news). Probably a good idea. After reports of a Chinese spy balloon floating across the northwestern U.S. (real news), Biden promised to shoot it down just as soon as it's done spying (Bee news). And this week Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow and reported there were some classified documents down there.
Must be true; I read it on the Internet.
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