Unrecognizable Love

A coworker of mine is from India. Recently he took his family back for a visit and a dual marriage. They had, you see, chosen spouses for his of-age son and daughter and they were going back for the wedding. Arranged marriages. Other coworkers were stunned. "How do you even ...?" "Where's the love?" One feebly said, "They believe that you can grow to love someone" but was met with shaking heads and disbelief. That doesn't happen.

Love just ain't what it used to be. Okay, that's not entirely accurate. There has always been romance, always been that "in love" feeling, that kind of thing. But what we appear to all recognize as "love" today hasn't always been the defining nature of "love". Consider, for instance, the famous 1 Corinthians 13 passage. I say famous because even secular weddings might use the section that describes love. Very nice. Interestingly, however, the King James Bible does not use the word "love" in that text. It uses "charity" because the "love" in view in this text (and many, many others) is not "romantic love." It's something quite different. In fact, if you read that description of love in that chapter, you'll find very little that hints at "warm affection," "heart goes pitter-pat," or "falling into." It's not in there.

We've bought a lie. All of us. We've been told that "Love is all we need" and that love is that romantic, heart-pounding, all-gooey-inside, emotion we feel for "that special one" or something like it. It's chemistry. The best kind, we think, is that "love at first sight." We've been told you "fall in love" and, obviously, if you can "fall in love," you can "fall out of love." Makes sense. But we all think that this thing we call love is grand. Maybe some are disillusioned by it, but only because they don't have it. So muddled are we that we've bought into "love is sexual desire" and "love means never having to say you're sorry" and "love is accepting others for who they are." Lots of nonsensical ideas. Psychology Today says, "Love is a force of nature. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand, or take away love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims." To which we all nod and say, "Amen." All, I suppose, except God, because He commands it, and if love cannot be commanded, God is stupid.

Now, wait a minute, if God is not stupid and love can be commanded (and He certainly commands it), what can we then conclude? Love is not the unbidden, emotional link that makes us feel good. It is something else. It is something that we can choose to do. And if it is commanded, it does not depend on someone else. It's something we do at will -- that is, as a function of our will. We also know that God is love (1 John 4:8), requiring that the definition of love is determined by the nature of God. Actual love, then, is defined by and produced from God. John said, "Love is from God" (1 John 4:7). In that same verse John went on to say, "Whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." You can see, then, that this is not romantic, emotional, everyday "love." Or everyone has been born of God.

This kind of love looks different. It doesn't seek anything from the loved one, but simply gives of itself. It seeks always for the best for the loved one even if that doesn't align with what they want. It is sacrificial, not sentimental. It is giving, not getting. This kind of love doesn't worry about being unrequited. Not the point at all. It is an act of the will, not a feeling of the heart. Mind you, a person who invests themselves in another person like that will certainly have feelings. You can't do that kind of love and not feel toward another as a result. But that's the result, the product, the side effect. This version of love is tied directly to a relationship with God and His provision of that love. This love is so far above the "warm affection" we accept as "love" so as to be almost completely disconnected in our minds.

Biblical love is a command. It assumes self-love (Eph 5:28-29), but goes far beyond. It is superior to the love we "fall into" and sourced by God Himself. Loving others is an act of obedience that is enabled by Him and can be given without abatement simply because "it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Php 2:13). We can experience the lesser version the world offers today, but we should not miss out on this grand love that God has for us and gives to us. It is obedience, to be sure, but it is far more fulfilling, effective, and without end than anything this world has to offer. Their love is short term, emotional, and dependent on "chemistry." We have a much better gift from God.