When the Creator built the system that included all existence, He included humans -- male and female (Gen 1:27) (stupid binary God) -- and He included marriage -- male and female become one flesh (Gen 2:24) (stupid God on the wrong side of history) -- and He included sex. Yes, God included sex in this universe. He had a purpose for it. And it was very good (Gen 1:31).
What was God's idea? He meant sex as the union of a man and a woman -- one man and one woman. Every biblical reference to sex outside of marriage is classified as sexual immorality. He meant it for reproduction (Gen 1:28). "Be fruitful and multiply." A key purpose in marriage and accomplished by sex. And, clearly, he meant it for mutual pleasure, but not for self-gratification (1 Cor 7:3-4). Sex was to be the ultimate intimacy. Marriage makes two into one in many ways; one of those ways is physically through sex. But the physical act makes two into one in more than physical ways (1 Cor 6:15-16). Ultimately, sex is a physical representation of a deeper, even unfathomable mystery of the union of Christ and His Bride (1 Cor 6:17; Eph 5:31-32).
Enter the 21st century and you'll find we have a new plan. We have a new "good." God had all these incredible plans for sex between married couples from mutual satisfaction to procreation all the way to soul-unity. Today? We have a better idea. Let's make it about dominance and self. Yeah! Much better! Oh, you don't see it. Take a look.
In the midst of a society that is (rightly) outraged by women being abused we have bestsellers and blockbusters about ... bondage and sadomasochism. How is that? Because our society has moved from intimacy to power. Most of what our modern society considers "hot" is more about power than union. Oral sex, anal sex, group sex, sex-on-demand, sex for recreation, "friends with benefits," all of this and more is not about mutual satisfaction or shared intimacy; it's about dominance and submission, about power. They tell us that rape isn't about sex; it's about power. Well, most of our sexual thinking these days is exactly self, wrapped up often in power and submission, sadism and masochism, humiliation and dominance.
Still disagree? Consider. The most pervasive element of sexual expression in our society today is pornography. While our fathers' fathers might have indulged (not too often, given the limited access) in such things, they would always hide it; it wasn't acceptable. Now we brag about it in public. We have "pastors" declaring that it's perfectly fine as long as it's "ethically sourced." Go ahead and enjoy! Except that pornography, by definition, is a non-human-interface procedure. You do it alone. You aren't with anyone who is in the porn; you're an observer. Any sex that takes place is alone, primarily in the mind. No real people were joined in this event. No intimacy was exchanged. It is pure self. And it is applauded today as a good thing.
This idea of sex today is so prevalent that even Christians seem to miss it. Sex is about my pleasure, isn't it? No, it's not. They think, "It's wrong to be looking at porn" but miss entirely why. Sure, there is the problem of lust, but, worse, it is a distortion of God's plans, God's commands, and God's glory.
So we end up like some Victorian throwbacks, unable to come into the 21st century, join the "new-and-improved." Except that I submit that it is neither new nor improved. And the prevalence of this kind of thinking makes us miss it entirely until we no longer see that sex is about procreation and intimacy because we are supposed to procreate (make disciples) and be one (with Christ), a much bigger picture than the silly nonsense they call "sex" today. It's not sex in the crosshairs; it is God.
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