When I was a young man, I used to give a girl from church a ride to the college we both attended. I thought she was nice and cute and I thought of possibly pursuing a relationship with her. So I tried something stupid; I tried being open and honest. I shared with her things about me that were not necessarily good things. Her response? "Stan, no one wants to hear about you or your problems." I thought about that. What I observed was that it was largely true. So I took that to heart and have, for the majority of my life, generally not burdened people with my problems. Today I'm going to appear to make an exception.
I am, for a good part of my life, somewhat depressed on the inside. I know of one person who compares me to Jeremiah -- "the weeping prophet". Some people are "Pollyannas" -- cheerful, happy, generally positive in their outlook. I am ... whatever the opposite of that is. I tend to be cynical of things and people, not expecting the positive. Mind you, it's not because my life is immersed in negatives. I am truly blessed. Great wife, great kids, great parents, good job, good health, good church, a long list of good things. It's just that the prevailing voice of the world around me (I'm using "world" not in the biblical sense of "the evil world system", but in the sense of the general existence around me) is, well, negative. I think I'm good at X and the world around me assures me I'm not. I think I have "this" down and the world around me points out that I don't. I try to do "that" correctly or well and the world around me tells me I don't. The prevailing voice of the world around me does not offer me positive feedback; it suggests a constant corrective. So I'm not exactly the "bubbly" type.
There are those who would suggest I have a problem. I need to seek help from a professional. Maybe it's serious. Maybe it's clinical depression. Maybe drugs will help. But I don't think so, and this is why I said I was appearing to make an exception. I don't think there is a problem here. And this is why.
The Bible tells me that "the creation was subjected to futility" (Rom 8:20), that nature itself was subjected to the consequences of sin. The Bible tells me that most humans are dead in sin, "following the prince of the power of the air", "by nature children of wrath" (Eph 2:1-3). The Bible tells me "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one." (Rom 3:10-12) The Bible tells me that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom 3:23). The Bible tells me "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer 17:9) That is, the Bible takes a dim view of humans and sin. If I am to affirm the Bible as God's Word, I would need to take a dim view of this, too. And if I am to be honest, I would need to affirm that I suffer from the same problem. In other words, my "negative viewpoint" would be a biblical viewpoint rather than a psychological break with reality.
Still, don't I need some sort of help or something? Two things here. While I do indeed tend toward depression on the inside, I do not regard that emotion as authoritative or reliable. It is an emotional response, to be sure, but it isn't entirely based on the truth and, as such, cannot be relied on to define my outlook. Why? Well, that's the second point. I understand on one hand that Satan is an accuser (Rev 12:10), an adversary (1 Peter 5:8). He is not my friend. So while he will consistently suggest that the world around me is right, there is, on the other hand, a voice of Truth that says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9), "It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Phil 2:13), and "To Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." (Jude 1:24-25) I am, through no work on my part, adopted (John 1:12-13), more than a conqueror (Rom 8:37), forgiven (1 John 1:9), and actually justified and glorified (Rom 8:30). That's God's "rest of the story". As long as I remind myself of the Truth (Jesus declared He was the Truth.), then even in viewing the world and myself as we really are, I can remain confident in my God and Savior and the depression under the surface doesn't have to define me.
Solomon wrote, "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." (Prov 29:11) And, "Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered." (Prov 28:26) It would seem, then, that I agree with Scripture by not trusting my own inner feelings or venting all this to those around me.
I have problems. Sure. We all do. But I'm not defined by them. I'm defined by my Lord. That's the place I rest.
2 comments:
Reminds me of sixth grade at public school. An education major in her final year of college came to our class on certain days of the week to get some hands-on classroom teaching experience. Off-the-cuff one day she mentioned that a certain kid in the class was "such an optimist." The kid asked what that meant, and the teacher explained the difference between optimist and pessimist. Another kid raised a hand and asked, "What do you think I am?"... Then another kid... So she gave in to the inevitable and worked her way around the whole class, pointing to each of us in turn. While I've forgotten which way she classified each of my classmates, I do remember she said "pessimist" when she got to me.
Stan although i agree with the main idea, that yes we are broken from sin, and yes it is to expected that we suffer in this world. if you are really hurting on the inside, i can tell you that Jesus loves you. it's just that he doesn't like you very much.. oh if i could only reach down inside your heart and give it a manly squeeze.. , and tell you to snap out of it.
what would Jesus do ? would he hold your head down in a bucket filled with ice cold water, until your lungs gave out??? would he?? maybe.. but think about how great you would feel afterward. breath deep and think deeper thoughts. sometimes when i am depressed i use that feeling to make others more aware of thier hopelessness, you know, so that we may all suffer together in a sharing kind of thing.
i love you man, now send me money.
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