The Lost Art

The topic of forgiveness is a well-known topic in Scripture. Once Peter asked Jesus "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" I'd think Peter thought he was being generous. Jesus answered, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matt 18:21-22) After teaching His disciples how to pray, Jesus said, "If you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matt 6:15) That ought to get our attention. We are supposed to forgive. We all get that.

There is, however, another aspect that I think, just by observation, is sorely missing these days. Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, was talking about how murder included anger at a brother (Matt 5:21-22). He offered a remedy.

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matt 5:23-24)

I think most of us read this and think, "So, if my brother has done something against me, I should forgive him rather than be angry." That's not actually what it says. What Jesus is talking about is that you "remember that your brother has something against you." Oh, now, that's different. The transgressor in this scenario is not your brother. The transgressor is you.

I think that one of the forgotten aspects on forgiveness today is not as much giving it -- in which I think we are often negligent -- but in seeking it. Jesus says not to proceed with your offering before being reconciled to your brother. That's pretty strong. The implication is "God doesn't want your gift as long as you have not made things right with those you have offended."

Asking for forgiveness is not an easy thing. It requires first the recognition that we did something wrong and, let's face it, most of us aren't particularly keen on doing that. Instead, we give reasons we did what we did or said what we said or didn't do or say what we should have. "She made me mad." "I was having a bad day." Echoes of Adam's, "It was that woman You gave me." (Gen 3:12) We've missed the point. The point is not to justify ourselves. The point is to be reconciled to your brother.

It begins, then, with repentance and humility. It owns the error rather than condoning or excusing it. It requires a recognition of the injury done rather than justification for it. There needs to be some empathy here ... because the aim is to be reconciled, not justified.

It includes actual words. Now, there are no magic words; it's all about attitude. "Here's what I did. I know that I was wrong. I know that I hurt you." Words that express a recognition of my transgression and repentance.

It includes listening. Perhaps you aren't quite aware of all that you did, of the injury you inflicted. There may be more to apologize for.

It includes, as far as possible, making things right. This can be difficult. It may be one of the most common reasons that we don't do it. In some cases, it may be impossible. But when it's possible, there should be restitution, resolution. Whatever can be done to make things right should be done.

We need to forgive others. We also need to seek forgiveness from others we have offended. Yes, we need God's forgiveness, and that ought to be at the top of our "to do" list, but it isn't always only God whom we have offended. We need to do whatever we can do to be reconciled to our brothers. Scripture suggests that to fail to do this is to interfere with our relationship with God. It has, then, horizontal and vertical repercussions. Since "love God" and "Love your neighbor" constitute the embodiment of the law, I would think this would be important to believers everywhere.