He'll throw all of his effort into making his family comfortable. He wants his wife and kids to have the best, so he works long hours, volunteers at work for extra duty, does whatever it takes to get the next promotion, the next raise, to the next step. All the while his family is growing comfy and rich ... and fatherless. One day he comes home and finds that his family has left him either physically or emotionally, and he's confused. What went wrong? Self-destruct.
She wants a husband who will treat her well, make her feel secure, give her what she needs. So she asks him. And when he doesn't respond in a timely fashion, she asks him again. After awhile the "asking again" is a lot less like "asking" and a lot more like "nagging". He is being strangled by her desperate needs for his constant attention. Even the dog can play outside by himself for awhile, but she can't let go of him for a second. So she's baffled when it finally dawns on her that he's gone. How did that happen? Self-destruct.
He loves his wife and wants to keep her close. Closer. Very, very close. She smiles at the cashier at the grocery store and its a hint of an affair. He's enraged at her "infidelity". He loves his wife and she should always be true to him. So he insists that she doesn't talk to other men. He sees it as "love" and considers it "biblical" because, after all, he's supposed to love his wife and she's supposed to submit so there you have it. So how could it possibly be that she calls on the pastor for marital counseling in a desperate attempt to save their marriage? He's loving his wife! What is going on? Self-destruct.
It is said that in every divorce there is no such thing as an "innocent party". That may or may not be true, but it is likely true most of the time. Usually the "innocent party" is the one that says, "I did everything right. what went wrong?" Usually that very same person is the one who was blind to his or her own contributions to the destruction of that relationship.
It is the nature of human beings to be self-centered. It is the nature of Christianity to die to self. It is the nature of marriage to be other-centered. One would think that Christian marriages would be idyllic relationships. But we've been lied to by our culture. "You deserve ..." we're told. "Looking out for #1" is the norm. "The greatest love of all is learning to love yourself" our songs tell us. "You can't love him/her," we're told, "until you first love yourself ... and until she/he loves you." Lies -- all lies.
It sounds bizarre, I know, but the truth is there is very little in life that provides greater joy (that's "joy", not necessarily "happiness" -- there is a difference) than dying to self. Paul said,
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (Phil. 2:3-5).Love means giving the other what is best for them. For fathers wishing to give their families what they need ... it's a loving father. For husbands wishing to give their wives what is best, it's a loving husband. For wives seeking to love their husbands, it's a wife who loves and respects her husband. It's not the things we so often confuse as "best" and end up using to kill the relationships.
Self-destruction is a bad choice. The next time you think, "Why am I having trouble with my relationships?" ask yourself, "What am I doing wrong?" because there is very likely something there. Let's avoid self-destruction, okay?
No comments:
Post a Comment