You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)First, "In the same way"? He said the same thing to wives at the beginning of the chapter when he told them to submit to their husbands. In the same way ... as what? Peter refers to Christ who suffered "leaving an example for you" (1 Peter 2:21), as a purpose for us. He entrusted Himself to God and endured suffering for us (1 Peter 2:23). "In the same way ..." wives, submit to husbands who aren't even godly (1 Peter 3:1) and husbands ... do these things. That is, being a submissive wife and a good husband are not easy things. They require self-sacrifice and a reliance on God.
Entrusting ourselves to God and sacrificing self, then, we're supposed to live with our wives in an understanding way. What does that even mean? The word is actually "according to knowledge." We're supposed to be informed, thoughtful, and intentional in our understanding of our wives ... not guessing, assuming, or dominating. We're supposed to live with her that way ... a lifestyle of emotional, spiritual, physical, and social study of our wives. Not haphazard, but taking everything into account. View her as vulnerable ("as with someone weaker"). Honor her as an equal ... public respect, private tenderness, spiritual equality. "Live with them" suggests ongoing faithfulness, remaining present, staying committed. It's a self-giving leadership style, not authoritarian or passive, but sacrificial, attentive, and protective.
Husbands are called to learn their wives emotions and needs, their rhythms and fears and joys. We're called to speak well of her, protect her dignity, and cherish her presence. We're required to treat her as an equal and be there for her emotionally, relationally, sexually, and spiritually. We're supposed to be marked by sacrificial love, not harshness or domination. And ... very important ... it makes a big difference to your spiritual life. Failure to do this hinders prayers. Are you that kind of husband?
6 comments:
I really like your thoughts today (and I am glad my husband reads here daily, as I do).
Every time I read 1 Peter 3:7, as a woman, I chuckle at the phrase, “as with someone weaker, since she is a woman.” I mean, have you guys taken on pregnancy and childbirth even once, much less multiple times? :) I also find some amusement in the thought of husbands “understanding” their wives--the pursuit of which takes as much stamina and fortitude as the aforementioned childbirth, I am certain! So I guess husbands and wives are equally challenged and tasked (or should I say “equally yoked”?). As you point out, for both spouses, “in the same way,” follow the example of Christ.
That's why I'm insistent that we read it as written. It doesn't say she IS weaker. It says to TREAT her as weaker ... like you might treat a priceless treasure. (And I'm a little amused that you're amused at the phrase ... that God had them write. I'm pretty sure HE knows about the strength of women.)
I wonder if women were different in Peter's time than now, because we all know today that trying to understand a woman is a fool's errand. Kidding aside, this is why so many marriages fail these days. They are so often focused on how their spouse makes them feel rather than how they could be treating their spouse. I'm sorry, but you "fell out of love" because you have a false understanding of love. It isn't a feeling that you strive to hold on to, it is a daily choice and action for the other, not yourself. Failing to love like Jesus did will always lead to hardship.
Yes, of course He does, and I believe most thoughtful husbands see their wives’ strength as well. My comments were mostly tongue-in-cheek … and in full acknowledgement that both parties in a marriage have their challenges--wives to run a happy home and physically produce the offspring within in, and husbands to figure out the complexities of a woman in order to love her well. Of course, I respect Peter’s (and Paul’s) writing as coming from the Lord--the interpretation of which you explained very well. (My amusement was as in “Understand women? Huh! Good luck with that!” Again, tongue-in-cheek.) (By the way, I have seen old posts at your blog mentioning the “impossibility” of husbands “understanding their wives,” so it seems you can relate.) Please know there was not an iota of deprecation towards wives implied in your writing today--quite the contrary (which is why I felt free to comment in a light-hearted way).
I have one digression from your clarification, however: When I read 1 Peter 3:7 as written, as you say, I clearly see that Peter calls wives “the weaker [or ‘delicate’] vessel” or “someone weaker”--i.e. because she is a woman (multiple versions of the Bible read this way). Some women might balk at that, but it is God’s Word, so I do not in my heart-of-hearts (ignore the tongue-in-cheek :). The key, of course, is proper understanding of Peter’s words.
My comment was tongue-in-cheek, too, but my smiley face emoticon key is broken.
I don't believe Peter does call her weaker. He says to live with her "as with someone weaker." That doesn't require that she IS weaker. It just requires we treat them that way. That is, the language is literally "as with a weaker vessel," so the focus isn't on her actual weakness but on the husband's treatment of her. Peter doesn't say (in the Greek), "because she is weaker," but to "live with her ... as with a weaker vessel." Coupled with "in an understanding way," it would say husbands must be fully aware of her vulnerabilities (perhaps physical, social, etc.), protect her in those, and honor her. Most importantly, it makes no reference to worth ... "inferiority."
I think the sentence structure is clear: The advised treatment of her is based on the reality of her--i.e. “treat her as the weaker vessel that she is” (with “weaker” meaning possessing a more vulnerable disposition or delicate constitution). It strikes me as unhelpful (and disingenuous) for Peter to advise a husband to consider his wife to be one thing--and to treat her as such “in an understanding way” in the process--if she were not in fact that very thing. I agree that no reduced worth or inferiority towards wives is implied in Peter’s terminology (which is why I don’t “balk” at Peter’s words).
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