My mom is an amazing woman. First and foremost, she loves Jesus ... more than anything else. She has a reputation for a couple of things. One is, if you ask her, "How are you doing?" and she'll invariably answer, "I'm grateful." And she really is. A thoroughly biblical (1 Thess 5:18) and healthy outlook ... and a good conversation starter. But she has this other thing. If you ask someone in her earshot, "How are you?" and they answer, "I'm good," she'll interrupt. "No! No one is good." She is, of course, referring to the verses that say, "There is no one who does good, not even one" (Psa 14:3; Psa 53:3; Rom 3:12). Now, I argue with her. "Mom, you know that the 'good' of Romans 3 is not the 'good' they're saying. They're not claiming to be 'godly' or 'morally good'." But she still does it. Primarily, I think, because most of us do think we're at least somewhat "good," and it's important to remember the truth.
It bugs me, though. There's a song out by Matthew West called Truth Be Told. Matthew complains that people ask, "How are you?" and we answer, "I say, 'I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine', but I'm not. I'm broken." Like my mother, Matthew wants ... the truth. And the truth is ... we're not fine. We're broken. "And when it's out of control I say, 'It's under control', but it's not, And you know it." Matthew is right. We don't tell ourselves the truth. We don't tell others the truth. And Matthew rightly urges us to tell the truth of our failures and our problems to the One who already knows them. Hiding them doesn't help.
Chuck Girard wrote a song (I'm dating myself now) called Lay Your Burden Down. He urges us, as Matthew does ... as Scripture does ... to lay our burdens on Him (Php 4:6; 1 Peter 5:6-7). Covering them doesn't help. God does. I do want to point out, however, that "I'm fine" in answer to "How are you?" isn't necessarily a lie. Most people don't ask because they're asking. They ask as a form of greeting and understand "I'm fine" to be a form of acknowledgment. So my side question for you is, do you really care if they're "fine"? Or is the acknowledgment of the greeting sufficient?
4 comments:
It is unfortunate that we all are so segregated and individualized that we struggle to even care whether the response is true or not. I wonder, has it always been so? Have we humans always just put on a "brave face" as to not inconvenience ourselves and others?
The popular saying is, “Kids say the darndest things,” but I guess moms do as well. When I was growing up, my mom (who always modeled proper grammar) would often do this: When my siblings and I were playing together and one of us perhaps said, “You’re going too slow!” or the like, she would call out, “LEE”--meaning that “slow” should have been “slowly.” We thought we were so funny when we replied to her, “Mom, my name is not Lee.” The lesson stuck, though, as to this day, I correct other people’s grammar errors all the time! A common grievous one I hear is, “Me and Bob went to the mall.” When I correct that to “Bob and I…,” my husband will jokingly reply, “No, you weren’t there.” In any case, I wonder what my kids will remember me for that way; I am sure there is something!
Yes, I do care how my friends and loved ones are doing; I even reply to a “How are you?” “I am fine” exchange with “I can tell you are not fine. What is wrong?” There is a difference between a sincere inquiry to those close to us and the polite albeit friendly greeting made in less intimate relationships. To me, “how are you?” is a good conversation starter, and depending upon the response one gets--i.e. perhaps ranging from “wonderful, I just became a grandma” to “not good; I just lost my job [or my spouse]”--that simple question can lead to a deeper conversation, as appropriate. So, “how are you?” can facilitate meaningful human connections but usually only if one goes beyond the superficial greeting.
I have, on many occasions, followed that "How are you?" "Fine" with "No, I'm seriously asking." It always seems to be appreciated.
Post a Comment