Just Apologize

Most of us are fairly confident that we have a common understanding of the word "apologize." We mean, "Say you're sorry." Okay, maybe that's a little vague. The dictionary says it is to "make excuse for or regretful acknowledgment of a fault or offense." Okay, now, hang on. Is "make excuse" part of our definition? I mean, isn't that wrong? How about "express regret." Yes, we like that. But, of course, we all know that making said expression -- apologizing -- doesn't necessarily mean that the person is actually sorry. Or exactly for what they are sorry. Are they sorry for the fault "(I'm sorry I did that.") or offense ("I'm sorry you took that wrong."), or are they sorry they got caught? Or is it just words and they're not sorry at all?

It is interesting. The Bible has nothing to say about apologizing. The Greek word from which we get our word "apology" is apologia (go figure) and means, "a speech in defense." Closer to the "make an excuse" than "express regret." So the biblical "apology" was to "make a defense" (1 Peter 3:15). What, then, is the biblical equivalent of "apologize"? What do we do when we offend? The Bible offers two obvious terms -- confession and repentance. To confess in the vernacular is to "say with" (James 5:16; 1 John 1:9). David confessed to God with the phrase, "I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me" (Psa 51:3). You see the idea. "Yes, God, you're right; I'm wrong." But agreeing that you are wrong is just half of the needed response. Jesus preached repentance (e.g., Matt 4:17; Luke 13:3). The Apostles followed suit (e.g., Acts 2:38; Acts 3:19; 2 Cor 7:10). Jesus said, "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him" (Luke 17:3-4). That's repentance for an offense given. Biblically, repent means to turn around mentally, to change directions, to think differently. So what would that look like? Well, John warned the Pharisees to repent and told them to "Bear fruit in keeping with repentance" (Matt 3:8). So repentance has "fruit." Jesus said, "If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matt 5:23-24). "Be reconciled" is a good expression of repentance.

We live in a dry-brush world where the slightest spark can create a real conflagration. Our social media, our anonymous and interconnected-without-consequence world, our pile of political and social flashpoints without any shared grace, leaves us with the near certainty that we will offend. The proper response if we offend is confession -- "Yes, I did the wrong thing" -- and repentance. Not apology. We are to "be reconciled," not merely sorry. Our repentance should look like repentance, a change of direction. Love may mean you never have to say you're sorry (I would argue it doesn't), but that's only because we need to do a lot more than that if we offend.