Husbands

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. (Eph 5:25-30)

It's an interesting command. It's interesting because, while lots of people protest the preceding command ("Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Eph 5:22-24), almost no one objects to this one. And yet, neither do most of us obey it.

Notice a key point in this command. The object of attention is clearly not the husband. He's the one being commanded, sure, but he's not the focal point. Nor is it the wife. You might have thought so, but, no. Instead, the focal point of this command is Christ. Love her "as Christ loved." Give yourself up for her as Christ "gave Himself up for her." Wash her with the Word as Christ does. It's about Christ and what He has done and is doing. Look at that. Look intently. Now, go and do that with your wife, husband.

So how did Christ give Himself up for the church? Oh, that's easy. He died. "Go and do thou likewise." It's funny. We can see that, but we don't get it. If He would give it all up (Php 2:5-8), what are we to do? The same. "As Christ loved the church." As far as dying, if necessary, but that would certainly involve anything less. "I don't want to go shopping with you; I wanted to do something with the guys." "I don't like that couch; I'd be more comfortable with this one." "Why do you expect me to let you have your friends come over but I can't do the same?" "Hey, you know that's my favorite ice cream. Don't you think I should get the last scoop?"

The people that complain about the wife's command to submit do so generally with verse 22 in view. We are commanded to be "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Eph 5:22) And I say, "Exactly!" Surely, husbands, you can see how this kind of giving yourself up for her is extreme submission. No, it doesn't look the same as the wife's version, but it is submission just the same. Unfortunately, most of us, at best would say, "Sure, if called upon to die for her, I will. In the meantime, I'll do what's best for me." So it's interesting what it says in the text. "He who loves his wife loves himself." So, then, if we love our wives in this kind of sacrificial way, it is also in our own best interest. But we've managed to completely invert what God had in mind for our priorities -- Christ, then wife, then husband -- to the exact reverse -- me, then her, then Him. Which is clearly not obedience.