We use the word and no one bats an eye. We deftly distinguish between "I love pizza" and "I love my mother" without a problem. We will use the word to describe sexual relationships and a moment later to describe relationships in which no sex was ever considered. It is heavily but not always sexual in nature these days. Many people refer to "loving another" as a euphemism to "having sex with another" and these days "making love" is exclusively thought of in sexual terms. Ancient Greek had several words for "love" to include the sublime, the love of friends, the familial, and the erotic. The Bible, on the other hand, never mixes sex and love. Any emotion of biblical love is secondary to the choice to do it--to concern oneself with the best interests of the one loved.
But I'm not asking here what the Bible says about love. I have eyes. What I'm wondering is just what our culture thinks it is. Because I think the definition is extremely nebulous ... and perhaps fantastic when brought to light.
Almost everyone will tell you that love is chemistry. That is, it's some undefined mingling of preferences and attractions not even in the conscious mind that draws two people together. Perhaps even literal chemistry, involving hormones and pheromones. (There are the extreme materialists that would argue that love is nothing more than hormones, pheromones, and brain chemistry--pure chemical bonding.) Lust? Maybe a little, but not entirely. Love is caring about another. It is being attracted to another. Love attaches you to another. Dr. John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, says that love is a feeling directed toward another that acknowledges their goodness. Many (perhaps unconsciously) see love that way. To be loved is to celebrate all that you are. Leo Buscaglia, AKA "Dr. Love", said, "Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves." The Beatles assured us that "All you need is love" and "Can't buy me love". The opposite of love is hate ... or fear ... or indifference. We're not really sure. More than one person has assured us that "love is all there is", as if that makes some sense.
The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy has an entire entry on love that includes love as union, love as robust concern, love as valuing, and love as emotion. An entire entry. Love, you see, is complicated.
Perhaps love is like Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's definition of pornography: "I may not be able to define it, but I know it when I see it." These days I'm not at all sure. And yet we use the term without a thought, applying our undefined definitions as readily to "I love my wife" as to "I love God" and even to "God is love". We nod and think warm thoughts and assume we've all been well understood. Somehow I don't think so. That's why I prefer the biblical version. Clearly defined. Carefully described. Unequivocal. On the other hand, it is in such disuse today that I'm not sure I can use that version and still be understood. Looks like it's time for another new word?
No comments:
Post a Comment