Sexual Sin

Sexual sin is a big one, isn't it? I mean, the Bible makes much ado of it.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Heb 13:4)

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Cor 6:18)

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1 Cor 7:2)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. (1 Thess 4:3-5)

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. (Col 3:5)

The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1 Cor 6:13)

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. (Gal 5:19-21)

Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. (1 Pet 2:11)

And that's just a quick sample. Seems like God is serious about sexual sin. But ... are we?

Our society has normalized all manner of sexual sin. Sex outside of marriage isn't acceptable; it's encouraged. "You need to try it first to be sure you're compatible with the one you want to marry," they'll tell you. "It's not wise to wait. At best, it's not realistic. I mean, come on!" Then there is all manner of deviance that is simply classified as good as long as it's consensual, as if "consensual" is the definition of "good". I've heard people who call themselves Christians argue that bondage and sadomasochism are perfectly fine in the bedroom, as if sex defined by cruelty and abuse can be "perfectly fine". And the world around has embraced the homosexual behavior forbidden in Scripture and is moving to normalize pedophilia and bestiality in the progression. (I could link to stories about this, but I won't as a courtesy; my mother reads this blog.) And, of course, the pervasiveness of pornography is unavoidable, even for Christians.

The Bible views sexual sin as a big one. Indeed, Paul says it is unique. "Every other sin a person commits is outside the body," he writes, "but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Cor 6:18). That's a big problem. While the world isn't particularly concerned about aligning their lives with God, we should be. But this one is tough--tougher than most. What can be done?

The Bible has some suggestions. Job warns about guarding what you look at. "I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?" (Job 31:1). Good point. Jesus echoed it and expanded on it. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." (Matt 5:27-30). These are extreme measures, and I'm not advocating (and I don't believe Jesus is advocating) that you physically pluck out your eyes, but He is (and I am) advocating that you take extreme measures to control your eyes.

In the warning to guard looking at sinful things, David warns further. "I will set no worthless thing before my eyes." (Psa 101:3). Often it is the innocuous and seemingly innocent thing that gets us started down the wrong path. Watch what you watch.

Scripture advocates memorization of God's Word in fighting sin. "Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against Thee." (Psa 119:11). Scripture memorization is a good thing. It worked well for Jesus (Matt 4:1-11).

If we are commanded to "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thess 5:17), it would make sense that this would be an important part of the process of fighting sin.

Since "No temptation has taken you except what is common to man" (1 Cor 10:13) and we are told to "bear one another's burdens" (Gal 6:2), it would stand to reason that we should find mentors, accountability partners who care about us and can help hold us to the standard of sexual purity.

While being careful of what we look at, from the blatantly tempting to the seemingly innocent but provocative, is important, what we think about is more so. Sexual sin begins first in the mind. Satan is depicted as a roaring lion seeking to devour (1 Peter 5:8). And he's good at it, even appearing as an angel of light (2 Cor 11:14). We would then need to be careful to guard our minds. Philippians 4:6-7 says that's done partly by prayer. But Paul goes on to recommend (command), "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Phil 4:8). I would suggest that much of what we dwell on does not fall in these categories, and that is a common start to sexual sin.

One not often mentioned in these types of things is mentioned in Scripture. "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love." (Prov 5:18-19). You see, a delight in "the wife of your youth" is a very effective method of avoiding sexual sin. If you are "intoxicated always in her love", you have no interest in looking elsewhere, either physically or otherwise.

The last one I offer is one almost never mentioned. That's odd to me because it is, after all, the only one that actually works. In the book of Job we read, "Receive instruction from His mouth, and lay up His words in your heart. For then you will delight yourself in the Almighty and lift up your face to God." (Job 22:22,26). Puritan Richard Baxter wrote that the love for God is the only sure remedy for the love of the flesh. And it is only there that we find real relief. Guarding your eyes from both the tempting and the worthless, memorizing God's Word, prayer, accountability, guarding your thoughts, delighting in your spouse--these are all important and useful things, but only if they are rooted in a prior and real love for God. Then and only then do any of them actually make sense. They aren't some helpful "6-Point Method" for solving the problem of sexual sin. There is no solution to sin, sexual or otherwise, unless "God's seed abides in him", unless "he has been born of God" (1 John 3:9), and unless there is a genuine love for God that takes precedence over the natural, sinful love of sin. On the other hand, when the love of God supercedes the love of sexual sin, then sexual sin becomes a non-issue. Thus, it is that first commandment--"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (Matt 22:36)--on which all of this hinges.

Here, consider this. The Bible tells us the origin of sexual sin. "For although they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks to Him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves." (Rom 1:21-24). Did you see that? The reason humans are given to their lusts is not that we're human or addicted or genetically programmed or any such thing. It is because we refuse to honor or thank God. The primary problem is a problem of idolatry, of a faulty relationship with God, not a problem of lust. That problem follows the first. The remedy to that problem, then, is not "Work harder and push out all those bad desires" because that just leaves a vacuum. The remedy to the problem is "Know God, honor Him as God, and give thanks to Him." Know Him in the sense of intimacy with Him. A deep love for God is the one sure remedy for a love of the flesh.

So, there are some tools. Start with the last. I suspect you'll find that's the biggest issue. Then work your way up from there. You will surely find help in the biblical approach, especially when you start with a love for God and an aim for His glory.