Monday, April 01, 2013

If Life Imitated Art

If what I see in the movies and on TV is what real life is like, here's what I would know:

1. Sex is as necessary to life as food and shelter.

2. Everyone after, say, junior high school is either having sex or is a loser because they aren't.

3. Marital fidelity is a good thing ... that doesn't actually exist anywhere in real life.

4. Sexual orientation is a lie. Oh, sure, there are those who claim to be "gay", but they're likely having as much sex with as many of either sex as possible, and it is a changing field, so "born that way" sounds nice but isn't fact.

5. Sexual relations with as many as possible should be as legal, safe, and rare as abortion is.

6. Common sense is a misnomer. Look for it alongside your local neighborhood unicorn. No one has it. Especially not the characters on TV or the movies.

7. "Happily ever after" can happen, without a doubt, but never actually does.

8. Lawyers are people who have sex with everyone they can and occasionally work in the courtroom.

9. Police officers are people who have sex with everyone they can and sometimes work in law enforcement.

10. Doctors and nurses are first and foremost sexual entities and, on some secondary plane, also work to help heal people ... maybe.

11. The smartest people on the planet -- those most wise and trustworthy -- do not believe there is a God. If you still do, you are among the dumbest.

12. Religious people are okay, but Christians are almost all lunatics without a right thought in their heads. And, oh, by the way, all Christians are Catholics or some near derivative.

13. Children are the smartest, wisest beings on the planet. As you age, you become stupid. The only exception to this is women, who only become a little stupid. Men are hopeless.

14. The best hero is a bad hero. Don't really expect a good hero. That's so '50's.

Okay, for starters.

Today is April Fool's Day. The concept actually started some time ago when they shifted the calendar so that January 1st rather than April 1st was the beginning of a new year. Those who remained with the April 1st calendars were "April fools". It wasn't a joke. It was an epithet.

The Bible says, "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'" (Psa 14:1). Proverbs says, "Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool" (Prov 10:23). Biblically, foolishness is tied directly to sin. Given this, it would seem that today's television and movie media are, from all appearances, year-round fools. That's an epithet, not a joke.

6 comments:

srp said...

You forgot 15. All men are incompetent (especially at housework and parenting).

Stan said...

Well, now, in my defense, I should point out that I did include the all-inclusive "Men are hopeless" statement and I indicated after #14 that this was "for starters", but your underlying point is well-taken. It is interesting (and sad) that the abject hatred of men on popular media is so prevalent today.

srp said...

Yes indeed you did but based on what I see on tv today, but it deserves its own discrete bullet point. I was really adding to the list and not trying to point out your omission.

Stan said...

And I was, indeed, agreeing with you.

Glenn E. Chatfield said...

This line-up is precisely why I gave up TV, and am very, very selective when going to a movie!

Stan said...

I watch very little myself, leaving that primarily up to my wife who apparently likes the noise if nothing else.