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Sunday, March 24, 2013

The Secret of Contentment

You don't have to work really hard to find out that "studies say" that women who work are happier than women who don't. Women with careers are happier than those without. Women who are significant outside the home are happier than homemakers. There you go. Science proves it (via the ever-present "survey"). What more do you need?

Here's the problem. While I have no doubt that the surveys are accurate, I would suggest that they are meaningless. You see, asking women if they're happier with a job than without or with a career than without does not answer the real question. Is contentment found there?

Here's the deal. We humans, male or female, will find ourselves content when we believe that we have what we think we should have. Look, this isn't rocket science. When we have a desire fulfilled, we are satisfied. Isn't that the definition of "satisfied"? What we expected has happened. We are, then, content, satisfied, happy.

The question, then, is not if women who work are happier than women who don't. The question is what do women expect? If women expect to stay at home, make a home for a family, raise the next generation, and so on and understand that to be a valuable and high calling, then they will be just as happy as the woman who expects to work and has a job. Satisfaction is a function of fulfilled desires, not the presence of a job.

But this isn't really about working women. It's about expectations. What is it that makes women unhappy who are not working? They've been told that real fulfillment occurs in a career. No career, no contentment. It's a lie. Carry that idea to all sorts of failing functions in our world. We are told to "find a job you love". Who said that finding a job you love is the best thing? How about "learn to love the job you have" instead? Why would that be bad? But we're told to find the job we love, and if I don't love the job I have, I will be dissatisfied. Or how about marriage? Marriage is forever, love is all there is, and if he/she doesn't meet my needs/expectations, end it. Why? Who told you that? What makes you think it's best? Well, it doesn't matter. If those are your expectations, plan on getting divorced because the warm feelings of love come and go and everyone fails to meet your needs or expectations at some point or another. On the other hand, change your expectations and true contentment can occur in any marriage.

It really works in just about any application. Paul said, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am" (Phil 4:11). Adjusting expectations eliminates the problems of circumstances. Paul's secret for satisfaction was not better circumstances, but "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13). It was an adjusted focus on Christ. He told Timothy "But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content" (1 Tim 6:6-8). In this approach, the expectation is godliness, not stuff. "If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content." The author of Hebrews urges us to be content with what we have (Heb 13:5) rather than looking for something else. And what do we have? That verse is the promise that Christ will never, never leave us or forsake us.

Are you dissatisfied? Is your job not bringing contentment? Does your spouse not satisfy? Are you looking for something else, something more? I would suggest that the eternal, unbroken presence of Christ Himself ought to satisfy, and if He doesn't, nothing smaller will. Change your expectations. Because circumstances are transient and will not satisfy. Not a better job. Not a better spouse. Nothing can satisfy like Christ can.

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