Love Without Hypocrisy

I was teaching on Romans 12 and someone asked about the description of love in the chapter. Romans 12:9 tells us, “Let love be without hypocrisy.” What follows is a series of examples showing what “love without hypocrisy” looks like (Rom 12:9-21). And someone gave the story of her mother-in-law who was a difficult person. She tried to love her, but found it nearly impossible. She said, “I had to fake it until I made it.”

The mistake is not readily obvious. It seems that’s exactly what we’re being told here. Treat people as if you love them regardless of how you feel about them. We might consider hypocritical love to be selective affection, only for those who agree with you, or performative kindness that's shaped by the audience rather than compassion. Maybe it’s flattering speech or conflict avoidance. Perhaps it’s emotional distance covered by politeness—lots of things. But I think hypocritical love is addressed in the text that follows

Hypocritical love would be love that tolerates evil. It would include a brotherly love without devotion. There might be an absence of honor or a lack of diligence in service. It may show itself in a lack of fervency in serving, a failure to rejoice or persevere in prayer, a reluctance to contribute to the needs of fellow believers, or a disregard for hospitality. It would be being divided rather than of the same mind, being proud, being wise in your own estimation. You get the idea

So she said she tried to do the right thing—and that was faking it until she made it. That is, she tried to do the right thing but didn't feel it. But that is a fundamental mistake about the nature of love

Note that nothing in this text says, “Feel warm affection for each other.” “Brotherly love,” yes, but not our modern “warm affection.” Instead, it is a command to love without hypocrisy—to treat each other a certain way, not to feel toward each other a certain way. This, you see, is a different version of love

In the end, Paul’s call to “love without hypocrisy” is not an invitation to pretend but a summons to obey. Biblical love does not wait for emotions to warm or affections to rise; it acts in faith, shaped by the character of Christ and the commands of Scripture. When we treat one another according to the pattern laid out in Romans 12—honoring, serving, persevering, blessing, and pursuing peace—we are not faking anything. Biblical love is a choice to treat people as God has commanded, and when we do that, we are making it—not faking it. Loving without hypocrisy is achieved when we treat people that way, not when we feel a particular way. We are loving as God has loved us: sincerely, sacrificially, and without disguise.