I've always had a bit of a melancholy streak. And if I'm being honest, earlier in life there were seasons when I wrestled with suicidal thoughts—not in the sense of making plans or attempting anything, but the thoughts were there. By God's grace, that season passed, and that isn't where I live now. Still, I can say this without hesitation: I won't be sad when Jesus finally calls me home. That's why Paul's words make sense to me: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Php 1:21). I'm at peace with that. I believe God has me here for His good reasons, and I want to be useful to Him now—while also knowing there's more and better ahead.
But if I'm talking about where I often find myself emotionally, it's Jeremiah I relate to. Jeremiah wrote Lamentations. People call him "the weeping prophet," and for good reason. He didn't just predict Jerusalem's destruction—he lived through it in 586 B.C. and he grieved it. In Lamentations 3, he says things that can catch you off guard. He traces his trouble right back to God's hand. He writes, "I am the man who has seen affliction because of the rod of His wrath" (Lam 3:1). He says, "He has walled me in so that I cannot go out; He has made my chain heavy" (Lam 3:7). And then this: "He bent His bow and set me as a target for the arrow" (Lam 3:12). And he sums it up with a line that sounds almost unbearable: "So I say, 'My strength has perished, and so has my hope from YHWH'" (Lam 3:18). But then the turn comes—and it's everything. "This I recall to my mind; therefore I have hope. YHWH's lovingkindness indeed never ceases, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'YHWH is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I have hope in Him'" (Lam 3:21–24).
When I'm feeling low—insignificant, unhappy, unloved, unworthy—I get Jeremiah. I'm not trying to dodge God's sovereignty. If anything, I cling to it. Because if God really is Lord over my suffering, then my suffering isn't random. Here's the takeaway I keep coming back to: when my emotions start making accusations, Lamentations 3 teaches me to call to mind what is true about God. We will suffer in this life according to His will, but He is still faithful. His lovingkindness doesn't run out. And because He doesn't fail, He really can be enough for me. "YHWH is my portion"—not just a line I quote, but something I'm learning to lean on. He is my inheritance (Eph 1:10–11). He is my identity and my security. Everything else can feel like it's shifting. My world can change. My self-image can crumble. My sense of worth can feel like it's in tatters. But He remains. So when everything in me wants to spiral, I want to do what Jeremiah did: "This I recall to my mind; therefore I have hope."
2 comments:
It is common to hear people effuse that “their faith” gives them strength in hard times, helps them through their trials, etc. Of course, it is not faith itself (as an entity) that has any value but the object of that faith--and only the God of the Bible. All other objects of worship are powerless and empty--and must be bolstered up in one’s mind. Only the one true God can be our inheritance, our sustenance, our reward, and our source of ceaseless mercies and unending compassion--available to us fresh and new each day. We will not be disappointed as we draw upon His boundless supply for our great need.
P.S. Glad to know you are in a happier place these days.
So beautiful and so true. Thanks for sharing this Stan
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