We danced around “tough love” last week and dabbled with the idea that “love isn’t always roses and sweetness,” but let’s look at that. Is that just an opinion or true?
We understand that love entails seeking the best for the loved one. What we often forget is that it isn’t always pleasant. And that’s biblical. Jesus never sinned (Heb 4:15). Yet when faced with the moneychangers in the Temple, He used a whip to drive them out. If the biblical basis for morality is love (Rom 13:8) and Jesus never sinned, then that outburst wasn’t sin — and was based on love.
But we don’t have to reason it out. The author of Hebrews is explicit: “For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives” (Heb 12:6). Solomon was equally clear: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Prov 13:24). It isn’t guesswork. It’s clear. There are times when genuine love requires harsh measures.
Sometimes we need to take this difficult approach in order to rescue a loved one. They’re headed in the wrong direction. They need to turn. It’s not an expression of anger or rejection. It’s love.
We rarely think of love as ever harsh. That’s because we’ve bought into this “warm affection” definition. It’s simply not true. Love is deeply concerned about the best for the loved one, but that doesn’t mean it is always pleasant. We have our own saying: “No pain, no gain.” It is often true, and love isn’t always pleasurable, but it is always intended for the best.
I often get this off feeling when someone says to be loving in their approach over some topic or event, because I so often fear that they are thinking of the World's view of love and not the view of love expressed in this post. It may not always feel like love to those being told that their particular sin is wrong, but when we are saying it it is because we know that that sin his harmful to them in the mediate sense, but also is harmful to them in their relationship with God. We know that continually denying your conscience sears it, leading us to being capable of worse and worse sins. We don't want to see them hurt themselves or to continue to push themselves further from Christ (how many have given the excuse of not being a Christian because "How could God ever forgive someone like me?"). When we evangelize, it is not out of pride or arrogance, but love for the eternal soul of our neighbor.
ReplyDeleteIt’s been a long time since I have had the degree of influence over my loved ones that would enable me to enact “tough love.” My children are 34 and 31 and certainly don’t live to please their ol’ mom anymore. My husband, a highly self-disciplined person, has little need for any serious nagging from me (even if done in love). I boldly spoke the truth in love to my best friend (and Bible study partner) on one occasion more than ten years ago, and it fractured our friendship almost beyond repair. When I look around, I observe a multitude of people (outside my miniscule sphere of influence) who need setting straight, but that word of admonishment won’t come from me. Come to think of it, the person best able to benefit from “tough love” from me at this point might just be myself!
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else notice that “tough love” is given and received most effectively when the parties involved are believers? It seems that not only must a word of correction be spoken only at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, but a heart prepared by the Spirit to receive that word must be there as well. Otherwise (as we probably all know from personal experience), this exchange seems to do more harm than good. (Of course, nonbelievers are the ones in greatest need of God’s transforming and life-changing truth, yet are the hardest set against it.) As you say, love is tough!
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