A Missed Mark

We all want comfort. Comfortable. We don’t want pain. We don’t want trials. When hardship comes, we often slip into an existential dilemma: Is there a God? Where is He? Why would He allow this? We instinctively treat “uncomfortable” as wrong—perhaps even morally wrong.

But God doesn’t. Scripture says He always does what is good. And He certainly inflicts pain, so that pain must serve His good purposes. Scripture is explicit that trials and tribulations are not aberrations but instruments of grace. “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance…” (Rom 5:3–5). James echoes it: “Count it all joy… for the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:2–4). Even our own common wisdom admits the same: “No pain, no gain.”

So perhaps we’re looking in the wrong place. Maybe “comfortable” isn’t the ultimate good. Maybe “good” is not defined by my easy spot. What then?

Scripture makes it patently obvious—and we constantly miss it. God’s repeated intent is not primarily our pleasant circumstances but our relationship with Him. From the beginning, God’s design was relational: He walked in the garden with Adam and Eve (Gen 3:8). The first sin was not merely eating forbidden fruit; it was a relational rupture—distrust, autonomy, and a refusal to honor God’s word. The behavior was the symptom; the relational failure was the disease.

Ever since, God has been demonstrating love in both wrath and mercy. His wrath is not primarily against bad actions; it is righteous opposition to a failure to properly recognize and acknowledge Him. Paul says it plainly: “The wrath of God is revealed… against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth… For although they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks” (Rom 1:18–21). The relational refusal comes first; the behavioral corruption follows.

God desires proper recognition and proper relationship. Jesus frames obedience relationally: “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments” (John 14:15). Obedience is not the currency by which we purchase God’s favor; it is the fruit of love. Conversely, disobedience is the fruit of failed love.

The entire Law hangs on relationship: “Love God … Love your neighbor” (Matt 22:37–40). Paul reinforces it: “Love is the fulfillment of the law” (Rom 13:10). That means every sin is fundamentally relational—a failure of love toward God and neighbor—and only secondarily behavioral.

This is why Scripture consistently describes sin in relational terms: adultery (Jer 3), idolatry (Exo 20), rebellion (Isa 1), unfaithfulness (Hos 1–3), grieving the Spirit (Eph 4:30). These are relational betrayals. The behaviors merely reveal the deeper breach.

Even the unpleasant experiences we encounter—the trials, the discomforts, the pains—are not random punishments but relational summonses. God uses them to draw us back, to refine us, to restore us. “Whom the Lord loves He disciplines” (Heb 12:6). Discipline is relational love, not retribution.

So yes—God is less concerned with behavior and more with relationship. And because relationship is the root, behavior and circumstances become diagnostic. They reveal whether we are walking with Him or wandering from Him. Comfort is not the measure of God’s goodness; relationship is. And our greatest comfort should be found in a right relationship with Him rather than mere human pleasantries. His presence should be our greatest comfort.