tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30006406.post115349259138717381..comments2024-03-28T08:41:39.614-07:00Comments on Winging It: The Role of a Wife - Part 2Stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04523232247971115247noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30006406.post-1154011180216679222006-07-27T07:39:00.000-07:002006-07-27T07:39:00.000-07:00Dear Anonymous, I know that it is painful and deva...Dear Anonymous, I know that it is painful and devastating when you practice faithfully what God says you should do, and you suffer for it. I know it. If I had all the answers to these sticky questions, I wouldn't be writing a "Marriage 101" series, but a comprehensive manual, and I wouldn't be doing it on a blog, but be getting filthy rich with a book, TV series ... you get the idea. My point - I don't have all the answers to these sticky questions.<BR/><BR/>My concern is two-fold. First, I'm only writing what I see in Scripture, not to individual circumstances. The majority of men are not doing what God calls men to do, and the majority of women are not doing what God calls women to do, so the majority of marriages fall in the "101" category. Second, I'm trying to lay down underlying principles rather than overarching realities because our tendency is to operate on how it feels and how it affects <I>me</I>. But as believers we are to die to self, so "how it feels and how it affects me" cannot be our basis for deciding.<BR/><BR/>I don't think the question is as cut-and-dried as many teachers would have you believe. "Never, ever, ever leave your husband" doesn't take into account reality. What do I mean? It doesn't take into account the reality that <I>status quo</I> is often harmful <I>to those around you</I>. A wife whose husband is doing drugs might "submit", but love demands she call the police. A mother whose husband is beating her children might "submit", but love demands she protect their children. In other words, "submit" and "respect", the primary demands of Scripture on wives, don't necessarily mean "doormat". Sometimes it requires courageous action that appears to be a violation of "submit". We understand that when we have a friend on drugs or a sibling in a cult. We will do an "intervention" as an act of love, violating their very wishes <I>for their benefit</I>. I don't see that it's all that different in a marriage.<BR/><BR/>But you can see that the question is sticky and rather individual. Is the loving action to defy your husband <I>for the sake of your husband</I>, or is there a better act of love? I can't say. I can only say that it isn't always a violation of love, submission, or respect to act in a manner that protects you and your children, and the "obey your husband at all costs" viewpoint doesn't get that. It is <I>always</I> a violation of love when your pure motive is self, and that is generally the thinking behind the "leave him, don't submit, you're a fool if you do" type of response.<BR/><BR/>Would that I could provide you with the epiphany that would answer your own dilemma. I trust that God will protect and guide you in your choices. I am quite confident that the motivation of "love others" is always the best motivation, and sometimes that means taking the painful path of "obey your husband at all costs" and other times it means "leave him, don't submit", but always it has the best interests of others in mind. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. But this I know: "Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory" (Prov. 11:14), and my God will not fail to provide for His children.<BR/><BR/>You are in my prayers.Stanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04523232247971115247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30006406.post-1153959407924279872006-07-26T17:16:00.000-07:002006-07-26T17:16:00.000-07:00I hope you do address it at some point in your stu...I hope you do address it at some point in your study...because a woman who has obeyed her husband for the most part of her married years is at a complete loss of what to do when she is abused. She hears the, "<I>obey your husband at all costs</I>" and then she hears from the oposite side of the spectrum, "<I>leave him, don't submit, your a fool if you do</I>". Do you know how that feals, who is right and what is to be done next. The heart of a woman who obeys her husband is usually the woman who loves the Lord so much that she is afraid to dissapoint Him..She would rather suffer than be out of the Lords will, but yet, what is the LORD's will...<I>I really need to know</I>.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30006406.post-1153836784612464492006-07-25T07:13:00.000-07:002006-07-25T07:13:00.000-07:00First, Gina, I want to point out that this is "Mar...First, Gina, I want to point out that this is "Marriage 101", and not intended to cover all bases and all aspects.<BR/><BR/>Second, I wish to point out that I'm simply using Scripture for these things, so if there is a problem, it is a problem with Scripture not addressing the situation you described.<BR/><BR/>More importantly, and my main purpose here, I'm speaking to the majority. The truth is the majority of wives aren't being abused. They simply choose not to submit because the culture has said not to or because they don't want to.<BR/><BR/>I know women who piously refuse to see an R-rated movie because it's sinful, but completely ignore submitting to their husband because, well, he doesn't know enough to come in out of the rain. "Me? Submit to him? Not likely." <BR/><BR/>I'm addressing the norm, and I'm only addressing it from Scripture. Truth is, Scripture doesn't cover "Well, what if your husband is abusive?", so I'm not. It's not that there is no answer, and it's not that the Bible teaches "Too bad; you must submit anyway." It's that it's outside of the time and scope of what I'm writing. Because it is a rare gift to find a wife who loves the Lord and submits to her husband, and it shouldn't be that rare.Stanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04523232247971115247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30006406.post-1153790287880965452006-07-24T18:18:00.000-07:002006-07-24T18:18:00.000-07:00I violently disagree with obeying your husband at ...I violently disagree with obeying your husband at all costs. That is not only dangerous, but ridiculous. Being in submission, yes! But one of the great things God designed was the partnership between husband and wife.<BR/><BR/>When the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, then obedience is great... but, when he uses the Bible as a machatti, then it is worse than divorce.Refreshment in Refugehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05109290647409291383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30006406.post-1153511638162230032006-07-21T12:53:00.000-07:002006-07-21T12:53:00.000-07:00For many a woman our immediate response to a hurti...For many a woman our immediate response to a hurting wife would be to console her with words of compassion and understanding...words of condemnation to the one who has offended her...But what would Sarah say, "My daughter..do not fear, trust God and obey your husband, live your life not according to your will, but in subjection to the One Who has a <I>perfect will for you</I>, my daughter, obey your husband. Yes...that's what Sarah would tell us to do. But at the same time, I know that she had concerns within her own marriage...and she even shared her concerns and desires with her husband, a husband who would take those concerns to his Almighty God and respond to his head accordingly. It is good to be in subjection to a God fearing man, better yet, it is greater to be in subjection to the Lord who according to His will, turns the Kings heart whichever way He pleases. <BR/>It may be hard to hear the words, "Obey your husband at all cost", but they are the words to live by and they are the words <I>to share</I>.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing His truth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com