I ran across a couple of interesting terms that, frankly, I didn't see coming. In Ephesians 5, wives are commanded to "be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord" (Eph 5:22-24) and husbands ... are not. Instead, husbands are commanded to "love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church" (Eph 5:25-28). Odd ... husbands don't seem to be commanded to "submit" to wives and wives don't seem to be commanded to "love" their husbands. Now, in fact, husbands are to submit (Eph 5:21) ... they just do it a different way, but ... what about wives?
It's important to interpret Scripture with Scripture, so we look further. In Titus 2, older women are told to teach younger women to "love their husbands, to love their children" (Titus 2:3-5). Okay ... that is a sort of "wives, love your husbands" thing ... except for this zinger ... husbands are commanded to love (agapaō} their wives, but wives are to love (philandros) their husbands. Those ... aren't the same thing. We know agapaō is that unconditional, sacrificial choice to seek her best at all times ("gave Himself up" - Eph 5:25), but philandros is to philos andros ... to be affectionate toward a husband. Now, before we get too upset, the command is for every believer to love everyone human with agapaō love, but clearly there is something going on between the commands to wives and to husbands that is different ... I suspect because wives and husbands are ... different.
Despite what our world tells us these days, men and women are different. Male minds and female minds, male bodies and female bodies, male emotions and female emotions ... there are so many differences. Men, then, are often self-centered, egotistical, and prioritizing other things. God says, "Sacrifice self for her best interest." Women are much better at self-sacrifice, but often get cold from it ... resentment, emotional withdrawal, feeling taken for granted. So God says, "Wives, keep affection for your husband alive." In this, then, we don't have a hierarchy of commands, but complementary commands. These aren't saying one or the other, but both, and "Men, you tend to fail this way while, women, you tend to fall down a different way." Both are forms of love and essential. Both reflect Christ in different ways. Both are part of loving one another.
I see that today’s post expanded upon a point from Monday’s, and I think you are spot-on with your conclusions here--that Paul is mindful of specific inclinations that husbands and wives hold by nature and practice. Since all believers are charged (elsewhere) with both mutual submission and a sacrificial love towards one another, Paul’s instructions in Titus 2:4 appear to be an additional clarifying encouragement for wives to foster a tender affection and fondness towards a man who--as he strives to be a strong “head” or leader in the marriage--might come across as overbearing or inconsiderate to her.
ReplyDeleteIn a Bible study book of mine on Becoming a Titus 2 Woman, author Martha Peace points out that the same “philos” love (“beloved, as a dear friend”) that is directed to a husband in Titus 2:4 is also applied to one’s children in that same verse. Surely any Christian wife and mother can attest, then, that even “philos” love is sacrificial and unconditional--i.e. as strong as “agape” love (as John 15:13 seems to imply). It seems that all the forms of “love” commanded of a follower of Christ are indeed of that nature--very much reflecting the all-loving Lord we seek to emulate.
P.S. When you commented to me at Monday’s post that “Husbands are commanded to ‘agape’ their wives, but wives should be warmly affectionate toward their husbands,” I immediately thought, “there is a joke in there somewhere,” but I didn’t want to start a Battle of the Sexes of sorts. :) (And then our Internet went out for almost two days, disabling any follow-up on my part anyway.)
Yes, Lorna, I saw that philandros next to the philoteknos in that verse, where "andros" is "man" and "teknos" is "child". I found that interesting, too. (It's also mildly interesting to me that the word, philandros, occurs only once in the New Testament.)
DeleteThis is why a wholistic view of Scripture is important. If you simply look at one verse and build everything off of it, you can end up in some pretty weird places.
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