Full disclosure. I did this back in December of 2015, a sort of extra-length dad joke, I guess. And my wife has been listening to hours and hours of Christmas music. So ... I've gotta do it again ...
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I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something. I just don't get what everyone sees in these Christmas songs you hear all around.
Some of them do it to themselves. On what planet, for instance, could you see "three ships come sailing in to Bethlehem", a landlocked town in Israel? And everyone knows that you put decks on ships or on patios, but not in halls. And I have to say I think it is cruel to be pointing to the mother who just delivered her first child and referring to her as "round yon virgin". Mean ... just mean. And, seriously, how exactly do you "troll the ancient yuletide carol"? Seriously. Say, when did "jingle belling" and "mistletoeing" become verbs? And what, do you suppose, the verb tenses would look like? "Jingle belled", "jingle belling", "have jingle bellen"?
Others, however, just seem really out there if you're not paying close attention to the words.
Take, for instance, the Nat King Cole classic, The Christmas Song. I mean, sure, it's true. I'm sure that everybody does know a turkey -- that office clown or the conspiracy nut down the street or something -- but why put it in a song? "Everybody knows a turkey, and some mistletoe helps to make the season right." In what way does some mistletoe make it better knowing a turkey? Or is it safe having Santa flying around while under the influence? "We know that Santa's on his way. He's loaded; lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh." I mean, that's just not right.
And, seriously ... in Jingle Bells ... The horse was lean an lank, ran into a bank ... "And then we got upsot"?? I didn't mess with that at all. That's the actual word in the song.
Bing Crosby was known for his song about his thoughts about the girth of Christmas. Why? Who dreams of a wide Christmas? What does that even mean? Winter Wonderland isn't much better. "Later on we'll perspire while we sit by the fire." Ooo, that's really appealing, isn't it?
And tell me, why did Olive pick on Rudolph? You know, "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names." Someone should have done something about that bully reindeer.
Something I've never figured out is exactly who Harold Angel is. (Someone told me he was a famous journalist whose full name was Harold Angelsing.) You think about that a moment while I try to decipher "In egg shells is Dale."
True story. I was in a choir in my youth and the leader told us, "The words are important. If you don't understand something, ask." So I said, "What is 'See the blazing yule before us'?" My friend said, "It's Euell Gibbons picking a hickory nut in a forest fire." (I guess you'd have to remember Euell Gibbons's commercials for Grapenuts cereal where he'd hold up some nature item and say, "This is a pine tree. They are edible, you know.")
Strange stuff in those cheerful tunes.
Afterthought
Do you suppose what I've just been doing would be correctly termed "trolling the yuletide carol"?
Regarding Christmas music playing on a seemingly endless loop year after year after year, I have been wondering exactly when one reaches the saturation point; I know that I passed mine a few years ago (and can now barely tolerate the stuff). So I am very much ready to move to considering holiday music in a completely comical light, as you have led us to do today.
ReplyDeleteOne thing: I believe The Christmas Song lyrics are “help to make the season bright” (rather than “right”). See, I’ve heard all those songs enough times to know all the words by heart. :)
The funny thing with singing is, sure the lyrics may be "bright" but so often the "b" isn't clearly pronounced. Happens all the time in music. "Dirty deeds done with sheep" is a perfect example of what we hear being different than the lyrics.
DeleteThose examples of badly butchered song lyrics are quite comical. (I just learned that misheard lyrics are termed “mondegreens.”) And as they say, once you hear the wrong lyrics, you can’t unhear them! Your example was a hoot (even if I was not familiar with the original song).
DeleteI'm surprised you weren't familiar with the original song, since it comes from the 70s. But maybe you weren't into AC/DC.
DeleteI definitely was not. Never heard a single song of theirs, I don’t believe (I listened to one very briefly yesterday while checking that reference of yours). I find AC/DC’s style of music quite shocking. (Get it? ;)
DeleteI think this is one of the reasons music has pretty much left my life. I can't help but analyze the lyrics and find they often make no sense.
ReplyDeletePerhaps a case of the aforementioned misheard lyrics is to blame! :-)
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